The Midnight Queen [71]
to
positive hate. The utter loathing and abhorrence I have had for
him ever since, began then - I grew dimly and intuitively
conscious of what he would make me, and shrank from my fate with
a vague horror not to be told in words. I became strong in my
fearful dread of it. I told him I detested, abhorred, loathed,
hated him; that he might keep his riches, greatness, and ungainly
self for those who wanted him; they were temptations too weak to
move me.
"Of course, there was raving, and storming, threatening, terrible
looks and denunciations, and I quailed and shrank like a coward,
but was obstinate still. Then as a dernier resort, he tried
another bribe - the glorious one of liberty, the one he knew
would conquer me, and it did. He promised me freedom - if I
married him, I might go out into the great unknown world,
fetterless and free; and I, O! fool that I was! consented. Not
that my object was to stay with him one instant longer her my
prison doors were opened; no, I was not quite so besotted as that
- once out, and the little demon might look for me with last
year's partridges. Of course, those demoniac eyes read my heart
like an open book; and when I pronounced the fatal 'yes,' he
laughed in that delightful way of his own, which will probably be
the last thing you will hear when you lay your head under the
axe.
"I don't know who the clergyman who married us was; but he was a
clergyman: there can be no doubt about that. It was three days
after, and for the first time in my fifteen years of life, I
stood in sunshine, and daylight, and open air. We drove to the
cathedral - for it was in St. Paul's the sacrilege was committed.
I never could have walked there, I was so stunned, and giddy, and
bewildered. I never thought of the marriage - I could think of
nothing but the bright, crashing, sun-shiny world without, till I
was led up before the clergyman, with much the air, I suppose, of
one walking in her sleep. He was a very young man, I remember,
and looked from the dwarf to me, and from me to the dwarf, in a
great state of fear and uncertainty, but evidently not daring to
refuse. Margery and one of his gang were our only attendants,
and there, in God's temple, the deed was done, and I was made the
miserable thing I am to-day."
The suppressed passion, rising and throbbing like a white flame
in her face and eyes, made her stop for a moment, breathing hard.
Looking up she met Sir Norman's gaze, and as if there was
something in its quiet, pitying tenderness that mesmerized her
into calm, she steadily and rapidly went on.
"I awoke to a new life, after that; but not to one of freedom and
happiness. I was as closely, even more closely, guarded than
ever; and I found, when too late, that I had bartered myself,
soul and body, for an empty promise. The only difference was,
that I saw more new faces; for the dwarf began to bring his
confederates and subordinates to the house, and would have me
dressed up and displayed to them, with a demoniac pride that
revolted me beyond everything else, if I were a painted puppet or
an overgrown wax doll. Most of the precious crew of scoundrels
had wives of their own and these began to be brought with them of
an evening; and then, what with dancing, and music, and cards,
and feasting, we had quite a carnival of it til] morning.
"I liked this part of the business excessively well at first, and
I was flattered and fooled to the top of my bent, and made from
the first, the reigning belle and queen. There was more policy
in that than admiration, I fancy; for the dwarf was all-powerful
among them and dreaded accordingly, and I was the dwarf's pet and
plaything, and all-powerful with him. The hideous creature had a
most hideous passion for me then, and I could wind him round my
finger as easily as Delilah and Samson; and by his command and
their universal consent, the mimicry of
positive hate. The utter loathing and abhorrence I have had for
him ever since, began then - I grew dimly and intuitively
conscious of what he would make me, and shrank from my fate with
a vague horror not to be told in words. I became strong in my
fearful dread of it. I told him I detested, abhorred, loathed,
hated him; that he might keep his riches, greatness, and ungainly
self for those who wanted him; they were temptations too weak to
move me.
"Of course, there was raving, and storming, threatening, terrible
looks and denunciations, and I quailed and shrank like a coward,
but was obstinate still. Then as a dernier resort, he tried
another bribe - the glorious one of liberty, the one he knew
would conquer me, and it did. He promised me freedom - if I
married him, I might go out into the great unknown world,
fetterless and free; and I, O! fool that I was! consented. Not
that my object was to stay with him one instant longer her my
prison doors were opened; no, I was not quite so besotted as that
- once out, and the little demon might look for me with last
year's partridges. Of course, those demoniac eyes read my heart
like an open book; and when I pronounced the fatal 'yes,' he
laughed in that delightful way of his own, which will probably be
the last thing you will hear when you lay your head under the
axe.
"I don't know who the clergyman who married us was; but he was a
clergyman: there can be no doubt about that. It was three days
after, and for the first time in my fifteen years of life, I
stood in sunshine, and daylight, and open air. We drove to the
cathedral - for it was in St. Paul's the sacrilege was committed.
I never could have walked there, I was so stunned, and giddy, and
bewildered. I never thought of the marriage - I could think of
nothing but the bright, crashing, sun-shiny world without, till I
was led up before the clergyman, with much the air, I suppose, of
one walking in her sleep. He was a very young man, I remember,
and looked from the dwarf to me, and from me to the dwarf, in a
great state of fear and uncertainty, but evidently not daring to
refuse. Margery and one of his gang were our only attendants,
and there, in God's temple, the deed was done, and I was made the
miserable thing I am to-day."
The suppressed passion, rising and throbbing like a white flame
in her face and eyes, made her stop for a moment, breathing hard.
Looking up she met Sir Norman's gaze, and as if there was
something in its quiet, pitying tenderness that mesmerized her
into calm, she steadily and rapidly went on.
"I awoke to a new life, after that; but not to one of freedom and
happiness. I was as closely, even more closely, guarded than
ever; and I found, when too late, that I had bartered myself,
soul and body, for an empty promise. The only difference was,
that I saw more new faces; for the dwarf began to bring his
confederates and subordinates to the house, and would have me
dressed up and displayed to them, with a demoniac pride that
revolted me beyond everything else, if I were a painted puppet or
an overgrown wax doll. Most of the precious crew of scoundrels
had wives of their own and these began to be brought with them of
an evening; and then, what with dancing, and music, and cards,
and feasting, we had quite a carnival of it til] morning.
"I liked this part of the business excessively well at first, and
I was flattered and fooled to the top of my bent, and made from
the first, the reigning belle and queen. There was more policy
in that than admiration, I fancy; for the dwarf was all-powerful
among them and dreaded accordingly, and I was the dwarf's pet and
plaything, and all-powerful with him. The hideous creature had a
most hideous passion for me then, and I could wind him round my
finger as easily as Delilah and Samson; and by his command and
their universal consent, the mimicry of