The Miernik Dossier - Charles McCarry [21]
“Nigel is going?”
“Of course. He wouldn’t miss a trip like that.”
“Then the trip is out for me.”
“Because Nigel annoyed you today? Don’t be an ass.”
Miernik closed his eyes. “It has nothing to do with that. But I could not spend three weeks in a Cadillac with Nigel.”
“Why not? He’s the best man in the world on a trip.”
“It’s something I am not free to discuss. It would be painful for me. I cannot go.”
He got to his feet. His glass had left a ring of moisture on the coffee table. He took out his handkerchief and wiped the table and the bottom of the glass. He staggered halfway across the room before catching his balance with a frown.
“Paul, I say good night.”
I did not quite know how to handle this. According to your calculations, Miernik should have leaped at the chance to go to Sudan. At first, he had done so. Now, for no reason he cared to explain, he had decided that he would not go.
I thought I knew the reason. “What have you done,” I said, “fucked Ilona?”
(Be calm! There is no way Miernik can possibly know that I heard the tapes you have of the great love scene. My tone was joking.)
The effect of my remark was about what I would have expected if I had driven a spear into Miernik’s spine. His whole body jerked, his face flushed. I think sometimes that he is a tortured Catholic; I don’t know what else could produce such a paroxysm of guilt. Miernik sat down again.
“Nigel knows this?” he asked. “Ilona has told him?”
“You mean you have slept with Ilona?”
Miernik began to grin. For an instant he looked positively jaunty. “You will not believe this, Paul, but she asked me. An extraordinary girl.”
“How was she?”
“Very generous, very—inventive.”
“I congratulate you.”
Miernik’s grin got broader. He was more than a little drunk. “Thank you, but I did nothing except surrender. I think she wanted me to die happy.” He rose and began to pace. “The question is, why did she tell Nigel?”
“You don’t know that she did. Why should she?”
“Oh, I know. Why else would he have treated me so badly today? He was joyful about everything that happened to me. At the time I wondered if he knew, but I tried to believe he did not. Guilt—I felt guilt. Standing in front of Nigel’s desk I felt that my fate had been given to me by God for having betrayed a friend. Very odd, the human conscience.”
“Dieu te pardonnera, c’est son métier,”I said. “A minute ago you looked pretty pleased with yourself, old man.”
Miernik shrugged and spread his hands. “She is something, Paul. Now I really will say good night.”
“You’d better think about the trip with Kalash. I think it’s your best chance as things stand now.”
“I don’t think so,” Miernik said. He was smiling again. “Nigel has started to smoke a pipe. How can I lock myself up in a car all the way to Khartoum with someone who blows smoke up my nose?”
He shook my hand and left.
COMMENT: In the above conversation, Miernik showed flashes of humor for the first time since I’ve known him. Maybe this is the comedy of desperation, and then again it’s possible he knows something I do not about his situation. If he is serious about avoiding the trip to Sudan, I see no point in going myself. Do you want me to try to change his mind (a move he would be waiting for if your suppositions about him are correct), or have you some alternate temptation you’d like to try on him?
Please advise.
24. TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN TADEUSZ MIERNIK AND ILONA BENTLEY ( RECORDED 3 JUNE-AT 1955 HOURS).
MIERNIK: Ilona? Here is the hairy beast.
BENTLEY: Miernik? Quelle jolie surprise.
MIERNIK: I waited a week to phone you. I thought you’d admire my self-control.
BENTLEY: I thought you were making a very slow recovery.
MIERNIK: Maybe I will never recover.
BENTLEY: You sound very sick and sorrowful.
MIERNIK: Yes, I suppose I do.
BENTLEY: That’s very flattering. Good-bye.
(Connection broken here. Miernik dials again; Bentley answers on tenth ring.)
MIERNIK: Ilona, I want to talk to you. Don’t ring off.
BENTLEY: Why not? I don’t seem to make you very happy.
MIERNIK: