The Nerdist Way_ How to Reach the Next Level (In Real Life) - Chris Hardwick [44]
When I started exercising in my early thirties, it was really an investment in my future. I didn’t want to hit fifty-five and go, “Gah! I’m a twisty, weak, hardened wreck! Better start this exercise process!” I believe it’s never too late to start, but it’s a shitload harder to try to throw the ship into reverse in your senior years. I had this weird goal that I wanted to hit fifty feeling good and looking younger than my quinquagenarian counterparts. You know those old people who look like someone mashed up a bendy Gumby figurine and just left it? Most of this is nothing more than lack of even light, consistent motility. When you see that, do you ever have the somewhat dark thought, “Shit . . . if I end up like that, please take a bat to my head, Universe.” I have spoken to elderly folks, and more than one has expressed regret at not taking better care of their teeth and their body. The beauty is you don’t have to ever worry about the bat option if you just do a little prep work now, while you still can.
When I was eighteen, I was in a really bad car accident in which a transverse process of my fifth lumbar vertebra was cracked. If you know the spine, you know that’s a deep injury. Because I never did any physical therapy to strengthen the surrounding musculature, I had excruciating back problems for fifteen years. Like, the kind where sometimes you can’t walk without leaning on a cane while expelling the most colorful string of swears in your vocabulary. (I became very creative. Who knew the C-word had so many applications??) I reasoned that this may not go away on its own, as age tends to slowly prey on our weaknesses until it stands triumphantly over our petrified bodies. I wanted this not to happen, or at least, I wanted to know that I did everything I could to prevent it. This was another reason I started taking my physical health seriously.
My final reason for hopping on the exercise train: I was a card-carrying member of the “I’m a Lifelong Pussy” club. I hated confrontation (as most Nerds do) and had this aura about me in which I carried myself like I was about to get beaten up in any given minute. Nerds of my generation were flinchers. If someone jumped at them even slightly, a spazzy flinch would be the result. I was over it.
I am here to tell you that it was one of the five best decisions I have ever made. Not only am I healthier and younger-looking than I was in my twenties, but my back problem is pretty much gone. I say “pretty much” because when I don’t stretch or exercise for a couple of weeks, it gets tight. “Does this mean I have to do this exercise shit forever??” Number one, don’t think of it that way. “Forever” anything is just too overwhelming for the human mind. Number two, yes. Yes, you should if you want to feel good, which is way worth it in my book, which is this one incidentally. Additionally there are things you learn about yourself when you exercise your body regularly that are applicable in other areas of your life—things like pushing limits, setting goals, being committed to something. These may look like dumb words and the concepts are difficult to understand on a visceral level if you haven’t done it, but I promise that if you take your physical being seriously you will have aha lightbulb moments regularly.
Over the years I had joined gyms, let the membership lapse. Rejoined them. Joined different ones. Had trainers. Bought fitness books. Used them to even out table legs. Given up. Then, in 2005 I met the right guy. He was a “dude,” but a good dude. He changed everything for me. His name was Tom (and still is, not surprisingly). My girlfriend at the time had been going to Tom since the previous year and loved him. She met Tom through our mutual friend Gabe who also was a client. Gabe and Tom met in perhaps the best way possible: WHILE PERFORMING LIVE STAR TREK EPISODES. Gabe played Spock, while Tom tackled the academic brogue that was Scotty. This was actually the thing that piqued my interest to meet him—a classic Nerd connection.
Many times my gf had come home extolling his virtues: