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By Root 597 0

No two workouts are ever the same. This was very helpful in keeping the sessions interesting. His philosophy revolves around always keeping it fresh, and pushing your brain into new territories so you never get too complacent. It’s stimulating both physically and mentally. Also our sessions have become therapy sessions. If I’m having a crap day, I’ll tell him when I arrive. At the end of the workout, when I’m stretching and completely spent, Tom will wryly ask, “So were you able to think about your day?” The answer is no. A good workout is the most constructive distraction from the rest of your life. This is part of the package deal that comes with Tom’s main goal for each workout he’s constructed for you, which I will blab about in the next chapter.

THE GETTING-OFF-YOUR-BUTT PART

It is time. Your butt has been magnetized to the opposite polarity of your metaphorical couch for far too long. The planning, the putting off, the waiting for some “day” or “thing” to happen to get you started is now. If you think about it, you’ll talk yourself out of it. You have to act in defiance of your brain, which you learned to do in the last section. You also might find yourself in the “I don’t know how or where to start” bin, which is a sentiment that is truly the thief of so many good things that never got a chance to happen. Should you join a gym? Should you get a trainer? How do you even find one those people? Should you train in a Siberian barn during a Survivor music montage like in Rocky IV? Let’s have the first of many chats with Trainer Tom!!

A Q&A WITH TRAINER TOM FOR YOU, THE INQUISITIVE READER

At the writing of this book, books are not sentient beings that will field your specific questions. I’m sure you have many, and since these papery jerks are too fucking stupid to answer you, I will step in. “How do I find a good trainer??” Were you wondering that? If so, I rule. If not, I drool. Nonetheless, you should want to know that before you put your physical well-being and money into some stranger’s callused paws.

Below is a Q&A with Trainer Tom to help you vet potential trainers.

ME: How does one find the best trainer?

TOM: “What’s the best kind of martial art?” or “What’s the best karate school?” in the past. I have always answered with the same metaphor: If you were going to send your child to school, you would go and meet the teachers, sit in on a class, and get the vibe of it. Same answer for seeking out any school, trade, and even a trainer. I’ve always said, “There are good plumbers and bad ones. Keep looking till you find one you like!”

ME: So my trainer needs to be a licensed plumber? Tom, I’m confused.

TOM: First and foremost, anyone can kick your ass, beat you up, or work you till you’re sick. That has never been a goal of mine when training anyone—EVER! Nor is it at all impressive. To me it shows a lack of what a trainer really, truly needs: a complete understanding, empathy, highly developed communication skills, and the ability to relate to anyone’s circumstance and train them as individuals with individual needs. Rather than “This is how I do it and this is how my clients will do it.” It should not be about the trainer. It should be about you.

ME: Tom, you have provided me with the clarity I was so desperately seeking. What else should I look for once I’ve found a cat I click with?

TOM: They should be certified. It does not mean they need a large number of acronyms behind their name. But at least it will show that they didn’t just decide yesterday to try and be a personal trainer.

ME: WHAT IS THAT OVER THERE???

TOM: Where? (Tom turns. I snatch some of the roasted almonds he has with him.) I don’t see anything.

ME: Oh. Nothing. Must have been a ghost panther or something.

TOM: O . . . K . . .

ME: How much of my hard-earned or inherited money will I spend on a fucking trainer?

TOM: Call a few gyms near you and find what the going rate is for a trainer. Just because a trainer charges a lot doesn’t mean they are good, and vice versa! Also if