The New Eve - Lewis Robert [60]
When I was young, an oil company used to advertise its product with this slogan: “It's performance that counts.” That, I believe, is the slogan of men everywhere. This performance mind-set drives everything men do. It's the reason men are reluctant to stop and ask for directions. To do so is to admit, “I haven't performed well. I've failed. I didn't cut it.” A college biology teacher once asked his class the following question: “Why, in the reproductive process, does the female offer only one egg while the male offers millions upon millions of sperm?” A coed raised her hand and said, “Because those guys won't ask for directions either.” She's probably right. It goes that deep! That's why men would rather drive on, hoping to get it right rather than pull over and ask for help.
In every area of life, men continually ask themselves, Did I come through? Did I perform well? That's a man's basic life question, and believe it or not, you as a woman play a crucial role in the way he answers that.
Yes, you.
In the classic fairy tale Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, a wicked witch repeatedly asks her magic mirror this familiar question: “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?” Of course, she did not get the answer she wanted. The witch's torment was that the mirror regularly reminded her of her second-class status to Snow White. Eventually, that negative reflection drove her to murder.
Men have mirrors too. And these mirrors possess a tremendous power that can either affirm or undo them. Most men have two such mirrors; Christian men have three. As they stand before each of them, they pose a question similar to that of the witch: “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, am I doing any good at all?” In other words, “Am I doing the ultimate masculine activity—performing, delivering, coming through?” If his mirrors affirm him, a man feels good about himself. He powers up. But if these mirrors frown on him and reflect failure, disappointment, and shame, this loss will unleash in him the same frustration, anger, and humiliation the witch felt. Problem is, this is no fairy tale. This is real life, and what he sees in these mirrors has an impact on more lives than only his own.
So what are these three mirrors? For two-mirrored men, they are the woman in his life and his work. Christian men look into a third mirror as well: the Word of God. Each of these mirrors offers its own unique reflection of a man's daily performance. The workplace mirror reflects the value of a man's skills and his performance in using those skills. The Word of God mirrors something much deeper. It reflects to him the thoughts, secrets, and motivations of his heart (Heb. 4:12).
Then there's you.
You are a man's most personal mirror. In your eyes, face, and responses he receives an evaluation of his life in ways that are deeply important to him. In you, he sees and feels his life's worth most intensely. If you are wise, you will often reflect back to your man his best traits and accomplishments. And in tough times, when he's had failures, your reflection of belief in him will help him believe in himself again and not give up. The helper title Genesis gives you refers not only to what you do, but also to what you reflect. Positive reflections build up and empower a man. Conversely, show a man his failures daily, and he may eventually let his best self go for the dark side. To have his shortcomings rehearsed in your mirror on a consistent basis may cause him to lose his masculine will altogether. In the harsh glare of your criticism, it will whither. The truth is, your man will often become what you reflect back to him. Your mirror is that powerful.
Remember, performance is what drives