The Night Circus - Erin Morgenstern [129]
“Stop,” Celia says without turning. “Please, stop talking. I don’t want to talk about this damned game.”
Marco attempts to protest but his voice catches in his throat. He struggles against it but finds he is unable to speak.
His shoulders fall in a silent sigh.
“I am tired of trying to hold things together that cannot be held,” Celia says when he approaches her. “Trying to control what cannot be controlled. I am tired of denying myself what I want for fear of breaking things I cannot fix. They will break no matter what we do.”
She leans against his chest and he wraps his arms around her, gently stroking the back of her neck with an ink-stained hand. They stay like this for some time, alongside the crackling of the fire and the ticking of the clock.
When she lifts her head, he keeps his eyes locked on hers as he slides her coat from her shoulders, resting his hands on her bare arms.
The familiar passion that always accompanies the touch of his skin against hers washes over Celia and she can no longer resist it, no longer wants to.
“Marco,” she says, her fingers fumbling with the buttons on his vest. “Marco, I—”
His lips are on hers, hot and demanding, before she can finish.
While she undoes button after button, he pulls blindly at fastenings and ribbons, refusing to take his lips from hers.
The meticulously constructed gown collapses into a puddle around her feet.
Wrapping the unbound laces of her corset around his wrists, Marco pulls her down to the floor with him.
They continue to remove layer after layer until nothing separates them.
Trapped in silence, Marco traces apologies and adorations across Celia’s body with his tongue. Mutely expressing all the things he cannot speak aloud.
He finds other ways to tell her, his fingers leaving faint trails of ink in their wake. He savors every sound he elicits from her.
The entire room trembles as they come together.
And though there are a great many fragile objects contained within it, nothing breaks.
Above them, the clock continues to turn its pages, pushing stories too minuscule to read ever onward.
*
MARCO DOES NOT REMEMBER FALLING ASLEEP. One moment Celia is curled in his arms, her head resting against his chest as she listens to his heart beating, and the next he is alone.
The fire has died down to smoldering embers. The grey dawn creeps in through the windows, casting soft shadows.
Upon the two of hearts on the mantel, there sits a silver band engraved in Latin. Marco smiles, slipping Celia’s ring onto his pinkie, alongside the scar on his ring finger.
He does not notice until later that the leather-bound safeguard that had been on his desk is gone.
Part IV
INCENDIARY
There are tents, I am certain, that I have not discovered in my many visits to the circus. Though I have seen a great deal of the sights, traveled a number of the available paths, there are always corners that remain unexplored, doors that remain unopened.
—FRIEDRICK THIESSEN, 1896
Technicalities
LONDON, NOVEMBER 1, 1901
Celia wishes she could freeze time as she listens to the steady beat of Marco’s heart against the ticking of the clock. To stay forever within this moment, curled in his arms, his hands softly stroking her back. To not have to leave.
She only succeeds in slowing Marco’s heartbeat enough that he falls deeply asleep.
She could wake him, but already the sky outside is brightening, and she dreads the thought of saying goodbye.
Instead, she kisses him gently on the lips and quietly dresses as he sleeps. She takes her ring from her finger and leaves it on the mantel, resting between the two hearts emblazoned on the playing card.
She pauses as she puts on her coat, looking at the books scattered across the desk.
Perhaps if she better understood his systems, she could use them to make the circus more independent. To take some of the weight off of herself. Allowing them