The Old Bachelor [16]
'tis an ungrateful office--so tell him yourself.
BLUFF. By these hilts I believe he frightened you into this composition: I believe you gave it him out of fear, pure, paltry fear--confess.
SIR JO. No, no, hang't; I was not afraid neither--though I confess he did in a manner snap me up--yet I can't say that it was altogether out of fear, but partly to prevent mischief--for he was a devilish choleric fellow. And if my choler had been up too, agad, there would have been mischief done, that's flat. And yet I believe if you had been by, I would as soon have let him a' had a hundred of my teeth. Adsheart, if he should come just now when I'm angry, I'd tell him--Mum.
SCENE VIII.
[To them] BELLMOUR, SHARPER.
BELL. Thou 'rt a lucky rogue; there's your benefactor; you ought to return him thanks now you have received the favour.
SHARP. Sir Joseph! Your note was accepted, and the money paid at sight. I'm come to return my thanks -
SIR JO. They won't be accepted so readily as the bill, sir.
BELL. I doubt the knight repents, Tom. He looks like the knight of the sorrowful face.
SHARP. This is a double generosity: do me a kindness and refuse my thanks. But I hope you are not offended that I offered them.
SIR JO. May be I am, sir, may be I am not, sir, may be I am both, sir; what then? I hope I may be offended without any offence to you, sir.
SHARP. Hey day! Captain, what's the matter? You can tell.
BLUFF. Mr. Sharper, the matter is plain: Sir Joseph has found out your trick, and does not care to be put upon, being a man of honour.
SHARP. Trick, sir?
SIR JO. Ay, trick, sir, and won't be put upon, sir, being a man of honour, sir, and so, sir -
SHARP. Harkee, Sir Joseph, a word with ye. In consideration of some favours lately received, I would not have you draw yourself into a PREMUNIRE, by trusting to that sign of a man there--that pot-gun charged with wind.
SIR JO. O Lord, O Lord, Captain, come justify yourself--I'll give him the lie if you'll stand to it.
SHARP. Nay, then, I'll be beforehand with you, take that, oaf. [Cuffs him.]
SIR JO. Captain, will you see this? Won't you pink his soul?
BLUFF. Husht, 'tis not so convenient now--I shall find a time.
SHARP. What do you mutter about a time, rascal? You were the incendiary. There's to put you in mind of your time.--A memorandum. [Kicks him.]
BLUFF. Oh, this is your time, sir; you had best make use on't.
SHARP. I--Gad and so I will: there's again for you. [Kicks him.]
BLUFF. You are obliging, sir, but this is too public a place to thank you in. But in your ear, you are to be seen again?
SHARP. Ay, thou inimitable coward, and to be felt--as for example. [Kicks him.]
BELL. Ha, ha, ha, prithee come away; 'tis scandalous to kick this puppy unless a man were cold and had no other way to get himself aheat.
SCENE IX.
SIR JOSEPH, BLUFFE.
BLUFF. Very well--very fine--but 'tis no matter. Is not this fine, Sir Joseph?
SIR JO. Indifferent, agad, in my opinion, very indifferent. I'd rather go plain all my life than wear such finery.
BLUFF. Death and hell to be affronted thus! I'll die before I'll suffer it. [Draws]
SIR JO. O Lord, his anger was not raised before. Nay, dear Captain, don't be in passion now he's gone. Put up, put up, dear Back, 'tis your Sir Joseph begs, come let me kiss thee; so, so, put up, put up.
BLUFF. By heaven, 'tis not to be put up.
SIR JO. What, Bully?
BLUFF. The affront.
SIR JO. No, aged, no more 'tis, for that's put up all already; thy sword, I mean.
BLUFF. Well, Sir Joseph, at your entreaty--But were not you, my friend, abused, and cuffed, and kicked? [Putting up his sword.]
SIR JO. Ay, ay, so were you too; no matter, 'tis past.
BLUFF. By the immortal thunder of great guns, 'tis false--he sucks not vital air who dares affirm it to this face. [Looks big.]
SIR JO. To that face I grant you, Captain. No, no, I grant you-- not to that face, by the Lord Harry. If you had put on your fighting face
BLUFF. By these hilts I believe he frightened you into this composition: I believe you gave it him out of fear, pure, paltry fear--confess.
SIR JO. No, no, hang't; I was not afraid neither--though I confess he did in a manner snap me up--yet I can't say that it was altogether out of fear, but partly to prevent mischief--for he was a devilish choleric fellow. And if my choler had been up too, agad, there would have been mischief done, that's flat. And yet I believe if you had been by, I would as soon have let him a' had a hundred of my teeth. Adsheart, if he should come just now when I'm angry, I'd tell him--Mum.
SCENE VIII.
[To them] BELLMOUR, SHARPER.
BELL. Thou 'rt a lucky rogue; there's your benefactor; you ought to return him thanks now you have received the favour.
SHARP. Sir Joseph! Your note was accepted, and the money paid at sight. I'm come to return my thanks -
SIR JO. They won't be accepted so readily as the bill, sir.
BELL. I doubt the knight repents, Tom. He looks like the knight of the sorrowful face.
SHARP. This is a double generosity: do me a kindness and refuse my thanks. But I hope you are not offended that I offered them.
SIR JO. May be I am, sir, may be I am not, sir, may be I am both, sir; what then? I hope I may be offended without any offence to you, sir.
SHARP. Hey day! Captain, what's the matter? You can tell.
BLUFF. Mr. Sharper, the matter is plain: Sir Joseph has found out your trick, and does not care to be put upon, being a man of honour.
SHARP. Trick, sir?
SIR JO. Ay, trick, sir, and won't be put upon, sir, being a man of honour, sir, and so, sir -
SHARP. Harkee, Sir Joseph, a word with ye. In consideration of some favours lately received, I would not have you draw yourself into a PREMUNIRE, by trusting to that sign of a man there--that pot-gun charged with wind.
SIR JO. O Lord, O Lord, Captain, come justify yourself--I'll give him the lie if you'll stand to it.
SHARP. Nay, then, I'll be beforehand with you, take that, oaf. [Cuffs him.]
SIR JO. Captain, will you see this? Won't you pink his soul?
BLUFF. Husht, 'tis not so convenient now--I shall find a time.
SHARP. What do you mutter about a time, rascal? You were the incendiary. There's to put you in mind of your time.--A memorandum. [Kicks him.]
BLUFF. Oh, this is your time, sir; you had best make use on't.
SHARP. I--Gad and so I will: there's again for you. [Kicks him.]
BLUFF. You are obliging, sir, but this is too public a place to thank you in. But in your ear, you are to be seen again?
SHARP. Ay, thou inimitable coward, and to be felt--as for example. [Kicks him.]
BELL. Ha, ha, ha, prithee come away; 'tis scandalous to kick this puppy unless a man were cold and had no other way to get himself aheat.
SCENE IX.
SIR JOSEPH, BLUFFE.
BLUFF. Very well--very fine--but 'tis no matter. Is not this fine, Sir Joseph?
SIR JO. Indifferent, agad, in my opinion, very indifferent. I'd rather go plain all my life than wear such finery.
BLUFF. Death and hell to be affronted thus! I'll die before I'll suffer it. [Draws]
SIR JO. O Lord, his anger was not raised before. Nay, dear Captain, don't be in passion now he's gone. Put up, put up, dear Back, 'tis your Sir Joseph begs, come let me kiss thee; so, so, put up, put up.
BLUFF. By heaven, 'tis not to be put up.
SIR JO. What, Bully?
BLUFF. The affront.
SIR JO. No, aged, no more 'tis, for that's put up all already; thy sword, I mean.
BLUFF. Well, Sir Joseph, at your entreaty--But were not you, my friend, abused, and cuffed, and kicked? [Putting up his sword.]
SIR JO. Ay, ay, so were you too; no matter, 'tis past.
BLUFF. By the immortal thunder of great guns, 'tis false--he sucks not vital air who dares affirm it to this face. [Looks big.]
SIR JO. To that face I grant you, Captain. No, no, I grant you-- not to that face, by the Lord Harry. If you had put on your fighting face