The Outlandish Companion - Diana Gabaldon [59]
At last, they come to a high ridge, covered in wild strawberries, which Jamie takes as a sign. The strawberry plant is the emblem of clan Fraser—the white flower for courage, green leaves for constancy, and the fruit for passion, shaped like a heart. It is a good place, one that speaks to the Highlander. What would she think? Jamie asks. Would she be willing to settle here with him? Plant crops, raise beasts, build a cabin—establish their new life here, high in the mountains, free of the obligations and uncertainties of life in the valley?
Claire sees the hope and the joy in him, but cannot share it for fear. At last, she breaks down and confides what she fears; that if he goes to Scotland to raise men for the land, he will die there.
Apprised of her fears, Jamie is incredulous. How, he demands, does she expect him to go to Scotland and raise men— walking on the water? While they have some capital now, from the sale of one stone, they are a long way from rich. Besides, he adds reassuringly, he does not intend to go to Scotland. If he should be so foolhardy as to take up the Governor’s invitation, he would instead seek out the men of Ardsmuir—his men, transported to the Colonies.
And why, Claire demands, should these men follow him? Those who survived will have worked out their indenturement; many will have begun new lives. Why should they abandon everything, risk everything, to follow him?
“You did, Sassenach,” he said.
IN THE INVERNESS of 1969, Roger Wakefield is waiting impatiently for the arrival of Brianna. Beyond the joy of seeing her again, there is an extra dimension to his anticipation; he means to ask her to marry him.
The arrival of the postman with a forwarded letter for Brianna exposes a certain complication, though; Brianna has—without telling Roger—begun searching the historical record for any mention of her parents. Roger is at first hurt that she didn’t tell him, but understands her ambivalence; the fear of finding out versus the fear of never knowing. In fact, he may be the only person in the world who truly does understand.
He will help her, he says. Beyond a simple desire to assist the girl he loves lies both personal curiosity and a certain personal concern; he fears that she cannot or will not give herself fully to a life with him in the present, if her questions of the past remain unanswered.
The two continue with the long job of clearing up the Reverend Wakefield’s effects, and the business of dismantling his childhood home increases Roger’s longing for a home and family of his own—and for Brianna as his wife, always by his side. For her part, Brianna makes it clear that she wants him, too, and so emboldened, Roger asks her to marry him as they walk home from the midnight services on Christmas Eve.
“I want you, Brianna,” he said softly. “I cannot be saying it plainer than that. I love you. Will you marry me?”
She didn’t say anything, but her face changed, like water when a stone is thrown into it. He could see it plainly as his own reflection in the bleakness of a tarn.
“You didn’t want me to say that.” The fog had settled in his chest; he was breathing ice, crystal needles piercing heart and lungs. “You didn’t want to hear it, did you?
She shook her head, wordless.
“Aye. Well.” With an effort, he let go her hand. “That’s all right,” he said, surprised at the calmness in his voice. “You’ll not be worried about it, aye?”
Brianna is worried about it, though; what worries her is not doubt of her feelings for Roger, nor his for her—what troubles her is the possibility that they won’t last. They can’t be wed at once, she points out; she has another year of schooling, Roger has his position at the university to think of. What if something were to happen in the meantime,