The Perfect Husband - Lisa Gardner [49]
Four more shuddering shots, each more difficult than the first, and she still didn’t hit any red rings on the target.
The gun emptied. Her ears were ringing. She continued to pull back the trigger until J.T. removed the gun from her grasp. Her face was ashen, her eyes dry. She couldn’t look at him. She stared at the hay bales and wondered how she could do so badly.
“What are you going to do, Theresa? Hit me, beat me, shoot me? We both know you’re not that tough. You couldn’t even stand up to your father. You couldn’t protect your mother. You’re nothing, Theresa. Absolutely nothing, and I own you.”
Stop it, stop it, stop it. She wanted him out of her head!
“Angela,” J.T. said sternly, “you’re thinking too much.”
“I swear I’m not thinking!”
“Find the zone. Whatever is going on in your head, block it out. Just block it out.”
“I don’t have a zone!”
He shook his head, suddenly furious. “You want to do this, Angela? Are you serious about this? Forget the damn gun, grow a backbone instead. You’re tough, I’ve seen it. But you’re an endurance tough, and that’s not enough. I bet when this Jim guy hit you, you took it. I bet when anyone threatens you, you curl up in a little ball and you survive.
“Well, that’s fine if survival is all you want. But you came to me. You said you wanted to do more than wait, more than endure. You wanted to fight. So learn how to fight. Stop squeezing your eyes shut and open them wide. Stop flinching at the sound and open your ears. I don’t care what your mama told you, the weak will not inherit the earth. It’ll go to the people who can run the distance and still stand at the end.”
“Like you,” she said bitterly.
“You think I’m still standing? Chiquita, you are not looking close enough.” He popped the empty magazine out of the gun and in one clean motion replaced it. His arm extended. He glanced once; one second was all he seemed to need. Then his head swiveled back to her and he pulled the trigger. She flinched at the noise, but he didn’t. He kept squeezing, bam, bam, bam, bam, the concrete man in action. The gun emptied.
His hand dropped to his side.
The center red circle of the target had just been annihilated.
“My God,” she whispered.
He slapped the gun into her palm. “Stop flinching, stop jumping. Start focusing. Maybe you gotta learn to hate. I know it works for me.”
“All right,” she said. She could hate. She hated her father for every time he pulled back his arm in rage. She hated Jim for letting her believe he would save her, then plunging her into a hell deeper than even her father could imagine. And she hated herself because she’d let both of them hurt her, because it had taken her twenty-four years to figure out she had to fight, and she still wasn’t any good at it.
She assumed the opening stance. Picture Jim, she thought. Picture the police photos. Remember every single thing that he did.
She gagged. She started firing. Tears were on her cheeks.
You’re blind, you’re stupid. You didn’t see who he was. You didn’t stop him sooner.
But I figured it out before anyone else! I stopped him eventually. I fought, dammit.
Too late, not good enough. How could you have let him use you like that?
I was just a kid, a mixed-up kid, and he chose me for just that reason. Because he knew how much I wanted someone to love me, how much I needed anyone to love me.
He knew you were weak. He knew you were malleable. You didn’t disappoint.
J.T. grabbed the gun from her hand. “Stop it!” he barked. “What the hell are you doing?”
She blinked her eyes rapidly. Slowly he came into focus. Her ears were ringing from too many gunshots. Red dust was glued to her cheeks. She looked at him. She looked at the hay bales. Straw had flown in all directions from the top of the bales; she’d finally hit the white fringe of the target with a couple of shots. The red rings remained intact.
“You’re not paying attention,” J.T. raged. “You’re pulling the trigger like Dirty Harry and your mind isn’t even on it. And that’s blasphemy, lady. Pure, simple blasphemy!”
“I’m trying, dammit!” She was furious, not