The Plains of Passage - Jean M. Auel [196]
The people knew Dolando had allowed Ayla to continue treating his woman, but Roshario had needed help and Ayla was obviously helping her. That did not necessarily mean he would want her around permanently. He could be merely controlling his feelings for the time being, and even though they needed a healer, Dolando was one of their own. They did not want to take in a stranger who might cause a problem for their leader and possible dissension within the group.
While Dolando was considering his answer, Ayla’s stomach churned up a lump in her throat. She had the uneasy feeling that she had done something wrong and was being judged for it. Yet she knew it wasn’t for anything she had done. She became upset and a little angry, and she wanted to get up and walk away. The wrong thing was being who she was. The same kind of thing had happened with the Mamutoi. Is this how it would always be? Is this what would happen with Jondalar’s people? Well, she thought, Iza and Creb and Brun’s clan had taken care of her, and she wasn’t going to deny the ones she loved, but she felt isolated and vulnerable.
Then she sensed someone had moved quietly to her side. She turned and smiled gratefully at Jondalar and felt better, but she knew it was still a trial, and that he was waiting to see how it would come out. She had been watching him closely, and she knew what his answer to Tholie’s offer would be. But Jondalar was waiting for Dolando’s response before he framed his own reply.
Suddenly, in the middle of the tension, there was a peal of laughter from Shamio. Then she and several other children came rushing out of one of the dwellings with Wolf in their midst.
“Isn’t it amazing how that wolf plays with children?” Roshario said. “A few days ago I would never have believed that I could watch an animal like that in the middle of children that I love and not be afraid for their lives. Perhaps that’s something to remember. When you get to know an animal that you once hated and feared, it’s possible to become very fond of it. I think it’s better to try to understand than to blindly hate.”
Dolando had been quietly pondering how to respond to Carolio’s question. He knew what he was being asked, and how much rested on his answer, but he was not quite sure how to frame what he thought and felt. He smiled at the woman he loved, grateful that she knew him so well. She had sensed his need and shown him a way to reply.
“I have blindly hated,” he began, “and I have blindly taken the lives of those I hated, because I thought they had taken the life of one that I loved. I thought they were vicious animals and I wanted to kill them all, but it did not bring Doraldo back. Now I learn they did not deserve such hate. Animals or not, they were provoked. I must live with that, but…”
Dolando stopped, started to say something about those who knew more than they had told him, yet aided him in his rampages … then he changed his mind.
“This woman,” he went on, looking at Ayla, “this healer says she was raised by them, trained by those I thought were vicious animals, those I hated. Even if I still hated them, I could not hate her. Because of her, Roshario has been given back to me. Maybe it is time to try to understand.
“I think Tholie’s idea is a good one. I would be happy if the Shamudoi accepted Ayla and Jondalar.”
Ayla felt the relief wash over her. Now she truly understood why this man had been chosen by his people to lead them. In their day-to-day lives, they had come to know him well, and they knew the basic quality of the man.
“Well, Jondalar?” Roshario said. “What do you say? Don’t you think it’s time to give up this long Journey of yours? It’s time to settle, time to set up your own hearth, time to give the Mother a chance to bless Ayla with a baby or two.”
“I cannot find words to tell you how grateful I am,” Jondalar began, “that you would welcome us, Roshario.