The Plains of Passage - Jean M. Auel [34]
That’s the way it was with that dark red mammoth. All the males wanted her, but she didn’t want them. She wanted to wait for her big bull. Is that why Broud wouldn’t let me alone? Even though he hated me, the Mother’s Gift of Pleasure was more powerful than his hatred?
Maybe, but I don’t think he was doing it only for the Pleasures. He could get that from his own mate, or any woman he wanted. I think he knew how much I hated it and that made his Pleasure more. Broud may have started a baby in me—or maybe my Cave Lion let himself be defeated because he knew how much I wanted one—but Broud could only give me his organ. He couldn’t give me the Mother’s Gift of Pleasures. Only Jondalar did that.
There must be more to Her Gift than just the Pleasures. If She just wanted to give Her children a Gift of Pleasure, why would She put it in that place, where children are born from? A place of Pleasures could be anywhere. Mine aren’t exactly where Jondalar’s are. His Pleasure comes when he is inside me, but mine is at that other place. When he gives me Pleasure there, everything feels wonderful, inside and all over. Then I want to feel him inside me. I would not want to have my place of Pleasure inside. When I’m very sensitive, Jondalar has to be very gentle, or it can hurt, and giving birth is not gentle. If a woman’s place of Pleasure was inside, it would make giving birth much harder, and it’s difficult enough as it is.
How does Jondalar always know just what to do? He knew how to give me Pleasures before I knew what they were. I think that big mammoth knew how to give that pretty red one Pleasures, too. I think she made that loud deep sound because he made her feel them, and that’s why all her family was so happy for her. Ayla’s thoughts were causing tingling sensations and a warming glow. She glanced toward the wooded area where Jondalar had gone, wondering when he’d be back.
But a baby doesn’t start every time Pleasures are shared. Maybe spirits are necessary, too. Whether it’s the totem spirits of the Clan men, or the essence of a man’s spirit that the Mother takes and gives to a woman, it still starts when a man puts his organ inside and leaves his essence there. That’s how She gives a child to a woman, not with spirits, with Her Gift of Pleasure. But She decides which man’s essence will start the new life, and when the life will begin.
If the Mother decides, why does Iza’s medicine keep a woman from getting pregnant? Perhaps it won’t let a man’s essence, or his spirit, mix with a woman’s. Iza didn’t know why it worked, but it does seem to, most of the time.
I would like to let a baby start when Jondalar shares Pleasures with me. I want to have a baby so much, one that’s a part of him. His essence or his spirit. But he’s right. We should wait. It was so hard for me to have Durc. If Iza hadn’t been there, what would I have done? I’d want to be sure there were people around who would know how to help.
I will keep drinking Iza’s tea every morning, and I won’t say anything. She was right. I shouldn’t talk too much about babies starting from a man’s organ, either. It made Jondalar so worried when I mentioned it, he thought we’d have to stop having Pleasures. If I can’t have a baby yet, at least, I want to have Pleasures with him.
Like those mammoths were having. Is that what that big mammoth was doing? Making a baby start in that dark red one. That was so wonderful, sharing their Pleasures with the herd. I’m so glad we stayed. I kept wondering why she was running away from all those others, but she wasn’t interested in them. She wanted to choose her own mate, not go with anyone who wanted her. She was waiting for that big light brown bull, and as soon as he came, she knew he was the one. She couldn’t wait, she ran right to him. She had waited long enough. I know how she feels.
Wolf loped into the clearing, proudly holding up an old rotting bone for her to see. He dropped