The Plains of Passage - Jean M. Auel [39]
The tapering poles were made from whole trees, tall, thin, straight ones with the branches and bark stripped off, and Ayla carried them in special holders sticking up from the back of Whinney’s two pack baskets, just as Jondalar carried the shorter tent poles. The lengthy poles were also used on occasion to make a travois that could be dragged behind the horses to transport heavy or bulky loads. They took the long wooden poles along with them because trees that would make suitable replacements were so rare on the open steppes. Even near rivers there was often little more than tangled brush.
As the twilight deepened, Jondalar added more wood to the fire, then got the slab of ivory with the map scratched on it and brought it back to study it by the firelight. When Ayla finished and sat beside him, he seemed distracted and had that look of anxious concern that she’d often noticed the past few days. She watched him for a while, then put some stones in the fire to boil water for the evening tea it was her custom to make, but instead of the flavorful but innocuous herbs she generally used, she took some packets out of her otter-skin medicine bag. Something calming might be helpful, maybe feverfew or columbine root, in a woodruff tea, she thought, though she wished she knew what the problem was. She wanted to ask him but wasn’t sure if she should. Finally she made a decision.
“Jondalar, do you remember last winter when you weren’t sure how I felt, and I wasn’t sure how you felt?” she said.
He had been so deeply immersed in his thoughts that it took a few moments before he comprehended her question. “Of course I remember. You don’t have any doubts how much I love you, do you? I don’t have any doubts about your feelings for me.”
“No, I don’t have any doubts about that, but misunderstandings can be about many things, not just if you love me, or if I love you, and I don’t want to let anything like last winter ever happen again. I don’t think I could stand to have any more problems just because we didn’t talk about it. Before we left the Summer Meeting, you promised to tell me if anything was bothering you. Jondalar, something is bothering you, and I wish you would tell me what it is.”
“It’s nothing, Ayla. Nothing you have to worry about.”
“But it’s something you have to worry about? If something is worrying you, don’t you think I should know about it?” she said. She took two small tea holders, each woven out of split reeds into a fine mesh, out of a wicker container in which she kept various bowls and utensils. She paused for a moment, considering, then selected the dried leaves of feverfew and woodruff, added to chamomile for Jondalar, and just the chamomile for herself, and filled the tea holders. “If it concerns you, it must concern me, too. Aren’t we traveling together?”
“Well, yes, but I’m the one who made the decision, and I don’t want to upset you unnecessarily,” Jondalar said, getting up for the waterbag, which was hanging from a pole near the entrance to the tent that was set back a few paces from the fireplace. He poured a quantity of liquid into a small cooking bowl and added the hot stones.
“I don’t know if it’s necessary or not, but you are already upsetting me. Why not tell me the reason?” She put the tea holders into their individual wooden cups, poured steaming water over them, and put them aside to steep.
Jondalar picked up the marked piece of mammoth tusk and looked at it, wishing it would tell him what lay ahead and whether he was making the right decision. When it was just his brother and him, it didn’t matter too much. They were on a Journey, an adventure, and whatever came along was part of it. He wasn’t sure, then, if they would ever return; he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to. The woman he was