The Pleasures of the Damned - Charles Bukowski [36]
and bought a new silver Camaro
she works afternoons in a dance joint
drives 30 miles to the job from
Redondo Beach
goes to night school
helps out at the AIDS clinic
reads the I Ching
does Yoga
is living with a 20-year-old boy
eats health food
Barney wasn’t good for her
she’s got her shit together now
she’s into T.M.
but she’s the same old fun-loving Cleo
she’s painted her nails green
got a butterfly tattoo
I saw her yesterday
in her new silver Camaro
her long blonde hair blowing
in the wind.
poor Barney.
he just doesn’t know what he’s
missing.
the simple truth
you just don’t know how to do it,
you know that,
and you can’t do a lot of other
useful things either.
it’s the fault of the
way you were raised,
some of it,
and you’ll never learn now,
it’s too late.
you just can’t do certain things.
I could show you how to do them
but you still wouldn’t do them
right.
I learned how to do a lot of necessary things
when I was a little girl
and I can still do them now.
I had good parents but
your parents never gave you enough
attention or love
so you never learned how to do
certain simple things.
I know it’s not your fault but
I think you should be aware of how
limited you are.
here, let me do that!
now watch me!
see how easy it is!
take your time!
you have no patience!
now look at you!
you’re mad, aren’t you?
I can tell.
you think I can’t tell?
I’m going downstairs now,
my favorite tv program is coming
on.
and don’t be mad because
I tell you the simple truth about
yourself.
do you want anything from
downstairs?
a snack?
no?
are you sure?
gold in your eye
I got into my BMW and drove down to my bank to
pick up my American Express Gold Card.
I told the girl at the desk what I
wanted.
“you’re Mr. Chinaski,” she
said.
“yes, you want some
i.d.?”
“oh no, we know you…”
I slipped the card into my wallet
went back to parking
got into the BMW (paid for, straight
cash)
and decided to drive down to the liquor store
for a case of fine
wine.
on the way, I further decided to write a poem
about the whole thing: the BMW, the bank, the
Gold Card
just to piss off the
critics
the writers
the readers
who much preferred the old poems about me
sleeping on park benches while
freezing and dying of cheap wine and
malnutrition.
this poem is for those who think that
a man can only be a creative
genius
at the very
edge
even though they never had the
guts to
try it.
a great writer
a great writer remains in bed
shades down
doesn’t want to see anyone
doesn’t want to write anymore
doesn’t want to try anymore;
the editors and publishers wonder:
some say he’s insane
some say he’s dead;
his wife now answers all the mail:
“….e does not wish to…”
and some others even walk up and down
outside his house,
look at the pulled-down
shades;
some even go up and ring the
bell.
nobody answers.
the great writer does not want to be
disturbed. perhaps the great writer is not
in? perhaps the great writer has gone
away?
but they all want to know the truth,
to hear his voice, to be told some good
reason for it all.
if he has a reason
he does not reveal it.
perhaps there isn’t any
reason?
strange and disturbing arrangements are
made; his books and paintings are quietly
auctioned off;
no new work has appeared now for
years.
yet his public won’t accept his
silence—
if he is dead
they want to know; if he is
insane they want to know; if he has a
reason, please tell us!
they walk past his house
write letters
ring the bell
they cannot understand and will not
accept
the way things are.
I rather like
it.
the smoking car
they stop out front here
it looks as if the car is on fire
the smoke blazes blue from the hood and exhaust
the motor sounds like cannon shots
the car humps wildly
one guy gets out,
Jesus, he says, he takes a long drink from a
canvas water bag
and gives the car an eerie look.
the other guy gets out and looks