The Pleasures of the Damned - Charles Bukowski [38]
then just like that he joined the Marine Corps.
“I want to prove something to myself” was what he told
me.
he did: right after boot camp the war came and in 3 months
he was dead.
and I promised myself that some day I would write a novel and that
I would dedicate it to him.
I have now written 5 novels, all dedicated to others.
you know, you were right, Robert Baun, when you once told
me, “Bukowski, about half of what you say is
bullshit.”
Verdi
and
so
we suck on a cigar
and a beer
attempting to mend the love
wounds of the soul.
a beer.
a cigar.
I listen to Verdi
scratch my hindquarters
and
stare out of
a cloud of
blue
smoke.
have you ever been to
Venice?
Madrid?
the stress of continually facing the
lowered
horn
is wearing.
then too
I sometimes think of a
less stressful kind of
love—
it can and should be so
easy
like falling asleep
in a chair or
like a church full of
windows.
sad enough,
I wish only for that careless love
which is sweet
gentle
and which is
now
(like
this light
over my head)
there only to serve me
while I
smoke smoke smoke
out of a certain center dressed
in an old brown shirt.
but I am caught under a pile of
bricks;
poetry is shot in the head
and walks down the alley
pissing on its legs.
friends, stop writing of
breathing
in this sky of fire.
small children,
walk well behind us.
but now Verdi
abides with the
wallpaper
with beerlove,
with the taste of wet gold as
my fingers dabble in ashes
as strange young ladies walk outside
my window
dreaming of broomsticks,
palaces
and
blueberry pie.
(uncollected)
the young lady who lives in Canoga Park
she only fucks the ones she doesn’t want
to marry.
to the others she says
you’ve got to marry me.
or maybe she just fucks the ones she wants
to fuck?
she talks about it freely
and lives in the apartment at the end
with a 9-year-old red-haired boy
and a 7-month-old baby.
she gets child support
and when she works
she works in the factories or as a
cocktail waitress.
she has a boyfriend 60 years old
who drinks a jug of wine a day
has a bad leg
and lives at the YMCA.
she smokes dope, mostly grass,
takes pills
wears large dark glasses
and talks talks talks
while not looking at you and
twisting a long beaded necklace with her thin
nervous fingers.
she has a neck like a swan,
could be a movie star,
twice in the mad house,
a mother in the mad house,
and a sister in prison.
you never know when she is going to
go mad again and
throw tiny fits
and 3 a.m. phone calls at you.
the kids trundle about the apartment
and she fucks and doesn’t fuck,
has an exercise chart on her wall
bends this way and that
touches her toes
leaps
stretches and so
forth. she goes from dope to religion
and from religion back to dope and
from black guys to white guys and from white to
black again.
when she takes off those dark glasses
her eyes are blue
and she tries to smile
as she twists that necklace
around and around.
there are 3 keys on the end of it:
her car key
her apartment key
and one that I’ve never
asked her about.
she’s not given up,
she’s not dead yet,
she’s hardly even old,
her air conditioner doesn’t
work and that’s really all I know
about her because I’m one of those
she wants to
marry.
(uncollected)
life of the king
I awaken at 11:30 a.m.
get into my chinos and a clean green shirt
open a Miller’s,
and nothing in the mailbox but the
Berkeley Tribe
which I don’t subscribe to,
and on KUSC there is organ music
something by Bach
and I leave the door open
stand on the porch
walk out front
hot damn
that air is good
and the sun like golden butter on my
body. no racetrack today, nothing but this
beastly and magic
leisure, rolled cigarette dangling
I scratch my belly in the sun
as Paul Hindemith
rides by on a bicycle,
and down the street a lady in a
very red dress
bends down into a laundry basket
rises
hangs a sheet