The Pleasures of the Damned - Charles Bukowski [43]
my atomic stockpile
I cleaned my place the other day
first time in ten years
and found 100 rejected poems:
I fastened them all to a clipboard
(much bad reading).
now I will clean their teeth
fill their cavities
give them eye and ear examinations
weigh them
offer blood transfusions
then send them out again into the
sick world of posey.
either that
or I must burn down your cities,
rape your women,
murder your men,
enslave your children.
every time I clean my room
the world trembles in the balance.
that’s why I only do it once every
ten years.
(uncollected)
Bruckner (2)
Bruckner wasn’t bad
even though he got down
on his knees
and proclaimed Wagner
the master.
it saddens me, I guess,
in a small way
because while Wagner was
hitting all those homers
Bruckner was sacrificing
the runners to second
and he knew it.
and I know that
mixing baseball metaphors with classical
music
will not please the purists
either.
I prefer Ruth to most of his teammates
but I appreciate those others who did
the best they could
and kept on doing it
even when they knew they
were second best.
this is your club fighter
your back-up quarterback
the unknown jock who sometimes
brings one in
at 40-to-one.
this was Bruckner.
there are times when we should
remember
the strange courage
of the second-rate
who refuse to quit
when the nights
are black and long and sleepless
and the days are without
end.
hello, how are you?
this fear of being what they are:
dead.
at least they are not out on the street, they
are careful to stay indoors, those
pasty mad who sit alone before their TV sets,
their lives full of canned, mutilated laughter.
their ideal neighborhood
of parked cars
of little green lawns
of little homes
the little doors that open and close
as their relatives visit
throughout the holidays
the doors closing
behind the dying who die so slowly
behind the dead who are still alive
in your quiet average neighborhood
of winding streets
of agony
of confusion
of horror
of fear
of ignorance.
a dog standing behind a fence.
a man silent at the window.
vacancy
sun-stroked women
without men
on a Santa Monica Monday;
the men are working or in jail
or insane;
one girl floats in a rubber suit,
waiting…
houses slide off the edges of cliffs
and down into the sea.
the bars are empty
the lobster eating houses are empty;
it’s a recession, they say,
the good days are
over.
you can’t tell an unemployed man
from an artist any more,
they all look alike
and the women look the same,
only a little more desperate.
we stop at a hippie hole
in Topanga Canyon…
and wait, wait, wait;
the whole area of the canyon and the beach
is listless
useless
VACANCY, it says, PEOPLE WANTED.
the wood has no fire
the sea is dirty
the hills are dry
the temples have no bells
love has no bed
sun-stroked women without men
one sailboat
life drowned.
batting slump
the sun slides down through the shades.
I have a pair of black shoes and a pair of
brown shoes.
I can hardly remember the girls of my youth.
there is numb blood pulsing through the
falcon and the hyena and the pimp
and there’s no escaping this unreasonable
sorrow.
there’s crabgrass and razor wire and the snoring
of my cat.
there are lifeguards sitting in canvas-back chairs
with salt rotting under their toenails.
there’s the hunter with eyes like rose
petals.
sorrow, yes, it pulls at me
I don’t know why.
avenues of despair slide into my ears.
the worms won’t sing.
the Babe swings again
missing a 3-and-2 pitch
twisting around himself
leaning over his
whiskey gut.
cows give milk
dentists pull teeth
thermometers work.
I can sing the blues
it doesn’t cost a dime and
when I lay down to night
pull up the covers
there’s the dark factor
there’s the unknown factor
there’s this manufactured
staggering
black
empty
space.
I got to hit one out of here
pretty soon.
bang bang
absolutely