The Pleasures of the Damned - Charles Bukowski [52]
over. this is it.
I sit on the couch watching her arrange
her long red hair before my bedroom
mirror.
she pulls her hair up and
piles it on top of her head—
she lets her eyes look at
my eyes—
then she drops the hair and
lets it fall down in front of her face.
we go to bed and I hold her
speechlessly from the back
my arm around her neck
I touch her wrists and hands
feel up to
her elbows
no further.
she gets up.
this is it, she says,
eat your heart out. you
got any rubber bands?
I don’t know.
here’s one, she says,
this will do. well,
I’m going.
I get up and walk her
to the door
just as she leaves
she says,
I want you to buy me
some high-heeled shoes
with tall thin spikes,
black high-heeled shoes.
no, I want them
red.
I watch her walk down the cement walk
under the trees
she walks all right and
as the poinsettias drip in the sun
I close the door.
I made a mistake
I reached up into the top of the closet
and took out a pair of blue pan ties
and showed them to her and
asked “are these yours?”
and she looked and said,
“no, those belong to a dog.”
she left after that and I haven’t seen
her since. she’s not at her place.
I keep going there, leaving notes stuck
into the door. I go back and the notes
are still there. I take the Maltese cross
cut it down from my car mirror, tie it
to her doorknob with a shoelace, leave
a book of poems.
when I go back the next night everything
is still there.
I keep searching the streets for that
blood-wine battleship she drives
with a weak battery, and the doors
hanging from broken hinges.
I drive around the streets
an inch away from weeping,
ashamed of my sentimentality and
possible love.
a confused old man driving in the rain
wondering where the good luck
went.
she comes from somewhere
probably from the belly button or from the shoe under the
bed, or maybe from the mouth of the shark or from
the car crash on the avenue that leaves blood and memories
scattered on the grass.
she comes from love gone wrong under an
asphalt moon.
she comes from screams stuffed with cotton.
she comes from hands without arms
and arms without bodies
and bodies without hearts.
she comes out of cannons and shotguns and old victrolas.
she comes from parasites with blue eyes and soft voices.
she comes out from under the organ like a roach.
she keeps coming.
she’s inside of sardine cans and letters.
she’s under your fingernails pressing blue and flat.
she’s the signpost on the barricade
smeared in brown.
she’s the toy soldiers inside your head
poking their lead bayonets.
she’s the first kiss and the last kiss and
the dog’s guts spilling like a river.
she comes from somewhere and she never stops
coming.
me, and that
old woman:
sorrow.
The High-Rise of the New World
it is an orange
animal
with
hand grenades
fire power
big teeth and
a horn of smoke
a colored man
with cigar
yanks at
gears and the damn thing never gets
tired
my neighbor
….n old man in blue
bathing trunks
….n old man
a fetid white obscene
thing—
the old man
lifts apart some purple flowers
and peeks through the fence at the
orange animal
and like a horror movie
I see the orange animal open its
mouth—
it belches it has teeth fastened onto a giraffe’s
neck—
and it reached over the fence and it gets the
old man in his blue
bathing trunks
neatly
it gets him
from behind the fence of purple flowers
and his whiteness is like
garbage in the air
and then
he’s dumped into a
shock of lumber
and then the orange animal
backs off
spins
turns
runs off into the Hollywood Hills
the palm trees the
boulevards as
the colored man
sucks red steam
from his
cigar
I’ll be glad when it’s all
over
the noise is
terrible and I’m afraid to go and
buy a
paper.
car wash
got out, fellow said, “hey!” walked toward
me, we shook hands, he slipped me 2 red
tickets for free car washes, “find you later,”
I told him, walked on through to