The Pleasures of the Damned - Charles Bukowski [64]
we rejuvenate
as the lights of the city
blink below,
as the dark tree
holding the mockingbird
watches over us,
and as the world,
from here,
looks as good as it ever
will.
close encounters of another kind
are we going to the movies or not?
she asked him.
all right, he said, let’s go.
I’m not going to put any pan ties on
so you can finger-fuck me in the
dark, she said.
should we get buttered popcorn?
he asked.
sure, she said.
leave your pan ties on,
he said.
what is it? she asked.
I just want to watch the movie,
he answered.
look, she said, I could go out on
the street, there are a hundred men
out there who’d be delighted to have
me.
all right, he said, go ahead out there.
I’ll stay home and read the National
Enquirer.
you son of a bitch, she said, I am
trying to build a meaningful
relationship.
you can’t build it with a hammer,
he said.
are we going to the movies or not?
she asked.
all right, he said, let’s
go…
at the corner of Western and
Franklin he put on the blinker
to make his left turn
and a man in the on-coming lane
speeded up
as if to cut him off.
brakes grabbed. there wasn’t a
crash but there almost was one.
he cursed at the man in the other
car. the man cursed back. the
man had another person in the car with
him. it was his wife.
they were going to the movies
too.
drying out
we buy the scandal sheets at the supermarket
get into bed and eat pretzels and read as outside
the church bells ring and the dogs bark
we turn on the tv and watch very bad movies
then she goes down and brings up ice cream
and we eat the ice cream and she says,
“tomorrow night is trash night.”
then the cat jumps up on the bed
drops its tongue out and stands there
glistening cross-eyed
the phone rings and it is her mother and she
talks to her mother
she hands me the phone
I tell her mother that it’s too bad it’s freezing
back there
it’s about 85 here and,
yes, I’m feeling well and
I hope you’re feeling well too
I hand the phone back
she talks some more
then hangs up
“mother is a very brave woman,” she tells me
I tell her that I’m sure her mother is
the cat is still standing there glistening
cross-eyed
I push it down onto the covers
“well,” she says, “we’ve gone two nights without
drinking.”
“good,” I say, “but tomorrow night I’m going to
do it.”
“ah, come on,” she says
“you don’t have to drink,” I tell her, “just because
I do.”
“like hell,” she says
she flips the remote control switch until she comes to a
Japanese monster movie
“I think we’ve seen this one,” I say
“you didn’t see it with me,” she says, “who did you
see it with?”
“you were laying with me, right here, when we saw it,”
I tell her
“I don’t think I remember this one,” she says
“you just keep watching,” I tell her
we keep watching
I’m not so sure anymore
but it’s a peaceful night as we watch this big thing
kick the shit out of half of Tokyo.
scene from 1940:
“I knew you were a bad-ass,” he said.
“you sat in the back of Art class and
you never said anything.
then I saw you in that brutal fight
with the guy with the dirty yellow
hair.
I like guys like you, you’re rare, you’re
raw, you make your own rules!”
“get your fucking face out of mine!”
I told him.
“you see?” he said. “you see?”
he disgusted me.
I turned and walked off.
he had outwitted me:
praise was the only thing I couldn’t
handle.
the area of pause
you have to have it or the walls will close
in.
you have to give everything up, throw it
away, everything away.
you have to look at what you look at
or think what you think
or do what you do
or
don’t do
without considering personal
advantage
without accepting guidance.
people are worn away with
striving,
they hide in common
habits.
their concerns are herd
concerns.
few have the ability to stare
at an old shoe for
ten minutes
or to think of odd things