The Pleasures of the Damned - Charles Bukowski [8]
and I was there, a child
and I touched the piano keys
as they talked—
but not too loudly
for they had things to say,
the three of them;
and I watched them cover the canaries at night
with flour sacks:
“so they can sleep, my dear.”
I played the piano quietly
one note at a time,
the canaries under their sacks,
and there were pepper trees,
pepper trees brushing the roof like rain
and hanging outside the windows
like green rain,
and they talked, the three of them
sitting in a warm night’s semicircle,
and the keys were black and white
and responded to my fingers
like the locked-in magic
of a waiting, grown-up world;
and now they’re gone, the three of them
and I am old:
pirate feet have trod
the clean-thatched floors
of my soul,
and the canaries sing no more.
silly damned thing anyhow
we tried to hide it in the house so that the
neighbors wouldn’t see.
it was difficult, sometimes we both had to
be gone at once and when we returned
there would be excreta and urine all
about.
it wouldn’t toilet train
but it had the bluest eyes you ever
saw
and it ate everything we did
and we often watched tv together.
one evening we came home and it was
gone.
there was blood on the floor,
there was a trail of blood.
I followed it outside and into the garden
and there in the brush it was,
mutilated.
there was a sign hung about its severed
throat:
“we don’t want things like this in our
neighborhood.”
I walked to the garage for the shovel.
I told my wife, “don’t come out here.”
then I walked back with the shovel and
began digging.
I sensed
the faces watching me from behind
drawn blinds.
they had their neighborhood back,
a nice quiet neighborhood with green
lawns, palm trees, circular driveways, children,
churches, a supermarket, etc.
I dug into the earth.
upon reading an interview with a
best-selling novelist in our metropolitan
daily newspaper
he talks like he writes
and he has a face like a dove, untouched by
externals.
a little shiver of horror runs through me as I read
about
his comfortable assured success.
“I am going to write an important novel next year,” he says.
next year?
I skip some paragraphs
but the interview goes on for two and one-half pages
more.
it’s like milk spilled on a tablecloth, it’s as soothing as
talcum powder, it’s the bones of an eaten fish, it’s a damp
stain on a faded necktie, it’s a gathering hum.
this man is very fortunate that he is not standing
in line at a soup kitchen.
this man has no concept of failure because he is
paid so well for it.
I am lying on the bed, reading.
I drop the paper to the floor.
then I hear a sound.
it is a small fly buzzing.
I watch it flying, circling the room in an irregular
pattern.
life at last.
harbor freeway south
the dead dogs of nowhere bark
as you approach another
traffic accident.
3 cars
one standing on its
grill
the other 2 laying
on their sides
wheels turning slowly.
3 of them
at rest:
strange angles
in the dark.
it has just
happened.
I can see the still
bodies
inside.
these cars
scattered like toys
against the freeway
center
divider.
like spacecraft
they have landed
there
as you
drive past.
there’s no
ambulance yet
no police
cars.
the rain began
15 minutes
ago.
things occur.
volcanoes are
1500 times more
powerful than
the first a
bomb.
the dead dogs of
nowhere
those dogs keep
barking.
those cars
there like that.
obscene.
a dirty trick.
it’s like
somebody dying
of a heart
attack
in a crowded
elevator
everybody
watching.
I finally
reach my street
pull into
the driveway.
park.
get out.
she meets me
halfway
to the door.
“I don’t know
what to do,”
she says, “the
stove
went out.”
schoolyards of forever
the schoolyard was a horror show: the bullies, the
freaks
the beatings up against the wire fence
our schoolmates watching
glad that they were not the victim;
we were beaten well and good