The Pool in the Desert [63]
She will insist on your duty to society.'
Madeline felt that she must get him somehow back into his slough of despond. His freedom paralyzed her. And he returned with a pathetic change of tone.
'I suppose there is no alternative. Violet is very good about being willing to go alone, or with somebody else; but I never think it quite fair on one's wife to impose on her the necessity of going about with other men.'
'Mrs. Worsley introduced us after dinner,' said Madeline.
She kept disparagement out of her mind, but he could not help perceiving aloofness.
'Yes?'
The monosyllable told her sensitive ear that while he admitted her consideration in going on with the subject, he was willing to recognize that there was no more to say, and have done with it. She gathered up her scruples and repugnances in a firm grasp. She would not let him throw his own shadow, as an effectual obstacle, between himself and liberty.
'I am going to ask you something,' she said; it might come naturally enough from another man with whom your friendship was as candid as it is with me; but there is an awkwardness in it from a woman. You must believe I have a good reason. Will you tell me about your first meeting with Mrs. Innes, when--when you became engaged?'
She knew she was daring a good deal; but when a man's prison is to be brought down about his ears, one might as well begin, she thought, at the foundation.
For a moment Innes did not speak, and then his words came slowly.
I find it difficult,' he said, 'to answer you. How can it matter-- it is impossible. I suppose you have heard some story, and it is like you to want to be in a position to negative it. Ignore it instead. She has very successfully championed herself. Believe nothing to her disadvantage that may be said about that--that time. I was pleased to marry her, and she was pleased to marry me. But for God's sake don't let us talk about it!'
As he spoke Madeline saw the vivid clearness of the situation grow blurred and confused. It was as if her point of view had suddenly changed and her eyes failed her. Her eager impulse had beat less and less strongly from the Worsley's door; now it seemed to shrink away in fetters. Her eyes filled with vaguely resentful tears, which sprang, if she could have traced them, from the fact that the man she loved was loyal to his own mistake, and the formless premonition that he might continue to be. She contorted her lip to keep her emotion back, and deliberately turned away from a matter in which she was not mistress, and which contained ugly possibilities of buffeting. She would wait a little, and though consideration for Violet Prendergast had nothing to do with it, she would not tell him tonight.
'I am sorry,' she said; and, after a moment, 'Did I tell you that I have changed my plans?'
'You are not going so soon?' she took all the comfort there was in his eagerness.
'I am not going at all for the present. I have abandoned my intentions and my dates. I mean to drift for a little while. I have been too--too conscientious.'
'Are you quite serious--do you mean it?'
'Indeed I do.'
'And in less than a fortnight you will not go out of one's life. You will stay on--you summer day! It's hard to believe in luck like that. I sent a poor devil of a sepoy a reprieve last week--one knows now how he must have felt about it.'
'Does it make all that difference?' Madeline asked, softly.
'It makes a difference,' he answered, controlling his words, 'that I am glad you can not conceive, since that would mean that your life has been as barren as mine.' He seemed to refrain from saying more, and then he added, 'You must be careful when you plant your friendship that you mean it to stay, and blossom. It will not come easily up by the roots, and it will leave an ugly hole.'
He was helping her out of her rickshaw, and as they followed the servant who carried her wraps the few yards to the door, she left her hand lightly on his arm. It was the seal, he thought, of her unwritten bond that there
Madeline felt that she must get him somehow back into his slough of despond. His freedom paralyzed her. And he returned with a pathetic change of tone.
'I suppose there is no alternative. Violet is very good about being willing to go alone, or with somebody else; but I never think it quite fair on one's wife to impose on her the necessity of going about with other men.'
'Mrs. Worsley introduced us after dinner,' said Madeline.
She kept disparagement out of her mind, but he could not help perceiving aloofness.
'Yes?'
The monosyllable told her sensitive ear that while he admitted her consideration in going on with the subject, he was willing to recognize that there was no more to say, and have done with it. She gathered up her scruples and repugnances in a firm grasp. She would not let him throw his own shadow, as an effectual obstacle, between himself and liberty.
'I am going to ask you something,' she said; it might come naturally enough from another man with whom your friendship was as candid as it is with me; but there is an awkwardness in it from a woman. You must believe I have a good reason. Will you tell me about your first meeting with Mrs. Innes, when--when you became engaged?'
She knew she was daring a good deal; but when a man's prison is to be brought down about his ears, one might as well begin, she thought, at the foundation.
For a moment Innes did not speak, and then his words came slowly.
I find it difficult,' he said, 'to answer you. How can it matter-- it is impossible. I suppose you have heard some story, and it is like you to want to be in a position to negative it. Ignore it instead. She has very successfully championed herself. Believe nothing to her disadvantage that may be said about that--that time. I was pleased to marry her, and she was pleased to marry me. But for God's sake don't let us talk about it!'
As he spoke Madeline saw the vivid clearness of the situation grow blurred and confused. It was as if her point of view had suddenly changed and her eyes failed her. Her eager impulse had beat less and less strongly from the Worsley's door; now it seemed to shrink away in fetters. Her eyes filled with vaguely resentful tears, which sprang, if she could have traced them, from the fact that the man she loved was loyal to his own mistake, and the formless premonition that he might continue to be. She contorted her lip to keep her emotion back, and deliberately turned away from a matter in which she was not mistress, and which contained ugly possibilities of buffeting. She would wait a little, and though consideration for Violet Prendergast had nothing to do with it, she would not tell him tonight.
'I am sorry,' she said; and, after a moment, 'Did I tell you that I have changed my plans?'
'You are not going so soon?' she took all the comfort there was in his eagerness.
'I am not going at all for the present. I have abandoned my intentions and my dates. I mean to drift for a little while. I have been too--too conscientious.'
'Are you quite serious--do you mean it?'
'Indeed I do.'
'And in less than a fortnight you will not go out of one's life. You will stay on--you summer day! It's hard to believe in luck like that. I sent a poor devil of a sepoy a reprieve last week--one knows now how he must have felt about it.'
'Does it make all that difference?' Madeline asked, softly.
'It makes a difference,' he answered, controlling his words, 'that I am glad you can not conceive, since that would mean that your life has been as barren as mine.' He seemed to refrain from saying more, and then he added, 'You must be careful when you plant your friendship that you mean it to stay, and blossom. It will not come easily up by the roots, and it will leave an ugly hole.'
He was helping her out of her rickshaw, and as they followed the servant who carried her wraps the few yards to the door, she left her hand lightly on his arm. It was the seal, he thought, of her unwritten bond that there