The Poor Mouth_ A Bad Story About the Hard Life - Flann O'Brien [41]
‘I was never one to roam,’ Collopy said. Somehow a man must stay where his work is.’
‘True indeed,’ Cardinal Baldini said, ‘but our vineyard is indeed commodious. And every year that passes it gets bigger. Look at the work that is yet to be done in Africa, in China, even in Japan.’
‘I realize how immense the job is,’ Collopy replied, ‘because I have been doing missionary work of my own. Not the religious kind, of course.’
Here Father Fahrt began talking about the central point of all religion—the Vatican and the Holy Father.
Finally, the Cardinal turned to Collopy and said:
‘Mr Collopy, I believe yourself and your little party would like to have a private audience with the Holy Father?’
‘Your Eminence, it would be indeed a great honour.’
‘Well, I have arranged it. The afternoon of the day after tomorrow at four o’clock.’
‘We are all most grateful to you, Eminence,’ Father Fahrt said.
That was about all. We drove back to the hotel very pleased with ourselves. I went straight to the American bar there to celebrate. The audience will be over by the time you get this. I will write immediately and give you an account of it.—M.
19
I must let the next extraordinary letter speak for itself It put the heart across me.
Several days have passed since that audience and it is only now that I am able, with Monsignor Cahill’s help, to send you this letter. Please keep it safely as I have no copy.
There was a frightful, appalling row.
As a matter of fact the Pope told us all to go to hell. He threatened to silence Father Fahrt.
The papal palaces are to the right of the basilica as you approach it and just past the entrance, Father Fahrt led us to a small office run by the Swiss Guards. It was a private rendezvous for in five minutes Cardinal Baldini appeared, welcomed us and gave each of us a thick guide or catalogue. As there was plenty of time to spare walking through this enormous and dazzling place talking all the time, showing us the loggia of Gregory XIII, a wonderful gallery; the Throne Room; the Sala Rotunda, a round hall full of statues; the Raphael salon, with many of the great man’s paintings; part of the Vatican Museum; the Sistine Chapel and many other places I cannot remember, nor can I remember much from the Cardinal’s stream of talk except that the Vatican has a parish priest (not the Pope). The splendour of it all was stupendous. God forgive me, I thought it was a bit vulgar in places and that all the gilt and gold was sometimes a bit overdone.
‘The late Leo,’ Cardinal Baldini said, ‘was at home with kings and princes and rejoiced in art and the higher learning. Of course his Rerum Novarum was a great thing for the labouring classes. But the man you are going to meet is the Pope of the Poor and the humble. In any way he can help them, he always does.’
‘Is that a fact?’ Collopy said.
I thought of the miracle we were hoping for concerning his weight. But he had yet been told nothing of that.
We came to a door and entered a beautiful room. This was the ante-room to the Pope’s study. The Cardinal bade us wait and passed through another door. The place was delightfully peaceful. After some minutes the other door opened and the Cardinal beckoned to us. We allowed Collopy, slowly progressing on his stick, to lead the way, myself in the middle and Father Fahrt last.
The Holy Father was seated behind a desk, with Monsignor Cahill sitting some distance to his right. Pius X was smallish, rather thin and looked fairly old. He smiled thinly at us, rose and came round to meet us. We knelt and kissed the Fisherman’s Ring and heard his voice raised in Latin as he imparted what I suppose was the apostolic benediction.
He then went back to his seat behind the desk while the pilgrims and the Cardinal advanced to chairs facing it. I chose a chair far to the side, for I did not want to make any remarks or have any questions addressed to me. I noticed that Monsignor Cahill had paper and a pencil ready.