The Price She Paid [82]
No answer.
``Don't you?'' she persisted.
``Probably I have about the same opinion of you that you have of yourself.''
``What WILL become of me?'' she said. Her face lighted up with an expression of reckless beauty. ``If I could only get started I'd go to the devil, laughing and dancing--and taking a train with me.''
``You ARE started,'' said he, with an amiable smile. ``Keep on. But I doubt if you'll be so well amused as you may imagine. Going to the devil isn't as it's painted in novels by homely old maids and by men too timid to go out of nights. A few steps farther, and your disillusionment will begin. But there'll be no turning back. Already, you are almost too old to make a career.''
``I'm only twenty-four. I flattered myself I looked still younger.''
``It's worse than I thought,'' said he. ``Most of the singers, even the second-rate ones, began at fifteen-- began seriously. And you haven't begun yet.''
``That's unjust,'' she protested. ``I've done a little. Many great people would think it a great deal.''
``You haven't begun yet,'' repeated he calmly. ``You have spent a lot of money, and have done a lot of dreaming and talking and listening to compliments, and have taken a lot of lessons of an expensive charlatan. But what have those things to do with a career?''
``You've never heard me sing.''
``I do not care for singing.''
``Oh!'' said she in a tone of relief. ``Then you know nothing about all this.''
``On the contrary, I know everything about a career. And we were talking of careers, not of singing.''
``You mean that my voice is worthless because I haven't the other elements?''
``What else could I have meant?'' said he. ``You haven't the strength. You haven't the health.''
She laughed as she straightened herself. ``Do I look weak and sickly?'' cried she.
``For the purposes of a career as a female you are strong and well,'' said he. ``For the purpose of a career as a singer--'' He smiled and shook his head. ``A singer must have muscles like wire ropes, like a blacksmith or a washerwoman. The other day we were climbing a hill--a not very steep hill. You stopped five times for breath, and twice you sat down to rest.''
She was literally hanging her head with shame. ``I wasn't very well that day,'' she murmured.
``Don't deceive yourself,'' said he. ``Don't indulge in the fatal folly of self-excuse.''
``Go on,'' she said humbly. ``I want to hear it all.''
``Is your throat sore to-day?'' pursued he.
She colored. ``It's better,'' she murmured.
``A singer with sore throat!'' mocked he. ``You've had a slight fogginess of the voice all summer.''
``It's this sea air,'' she eagerly protested. ``It affects everyone.''
``No self-excuse, please,'' interrupted he. ``Cigarettes, champagne, all kinds of foolish food, an impaired digestion--that's the truth, and you know it.''
``I've got splendid digestion! I can eat anything!'' she cried. ``Oh, you don't know the first thing about singing. You don't know about temperament, about art, about all the things that singing really means.''
``We were talking of careers,'' said he. ``A career means a person who can be relied upon to do what is demanded of him. A singer's career means a powerful body, perfect health, a sound digestion. Without them, the voice will not be reliable. What you need is not singing teachers, but teachers of athletics and of hygiene. To hear you talk about a career is like listening to a child. You think you can become a professional singer by paying money to a teacher. There are lawyers and doctors and business men in all lines who think that way about their professions--that learning a little routine of technical knowledge makes a lawyer or a doctor or a merchant or a financier.''
``Tell me--WHAT ought I to learn?''
``Learn to think--and to persist. Learn to concentrate. Learn to make sacrifices. Learn to handle yourself as a great painter handles his brush and colors. Then perhaps you'll make a career as a singer. If not, it'll be a career