The Price She Paid [98]
``You must go to a better climate. You ought to be abroad, anyhow. That was part of my plan--for us to go abroad--'' He stopped in confusion, reddened, went bravely on--``and you to study there and make your debut.''
Mildred shook her head. ``That's all over,'' said she. ``I've got to change my plans entirely.''
``You're a little depressed, that's all. For a minute you almost convinced me. What a turn you did give me! I forgot how your voice sounded the last time I heard it. No, you'd not be so calm, if you didn't know everything was all right.''
Her eyes lit up with sly humor. ``Perhaps I'm calm because I feel that my future's secure as your wife. What more could a woman ask?''
He forced an uncomfortable laugh. ``Of course-- of course,'' he said with a painful effort to be easy and jocose.
``I knew you'd marry me, even if I couldn't sing a note. I knew your belief in my career had nothing to do with it.''
He hesitated, blurted out the truth. ``Speaking seriously, that isn't quite so,'' said he. ``I've got my heart set on your making a great tear--and I know you'll do it.''
``And if you knew I wouldn't, you'd not want to marry me?''
``I don't say that,'' protested he. ``How can I say how I'd feel if you were different?''
She nodded. ``That's sensible, and it's candid,'' she said. She laid her hand impulsively on his arm. ``I DO like you, Stanley. You have got such a lot of good qualities. Don't worry. I'm not going to insist on your marrying me.''
``You don't have to do that, Mildred,'' said he. ``I'm staring, raving crazy about you, though I'm a damn fool to let you know it.''
``Yes, it is foolish,'' said she. ``If you'd kept me worrying-- Still, I guess not. But it doesn't matter. You can protest and urge all you please, quite safely. I'm not going to marry you. Now let's talk business.''
``Let's talk marriage,'' said he. ``I want this thing settled. You know you intend to marry me, Mildred. Why not say so? Why keep me gasping on the hook?''
They heard the front door open, and the rustling of skirts down the hall. Mildred called:
``Mrs. Brindley! Cyrilla!''
An instant and Cyrilla appeared in the doorway. When she and Baird had shaken hands, Mildred said:
``Cyrilla, I want you to tell the exact, honest truth. Is there any hope for a woman with a delicate throat to make a grand-opera career?''
Cyrilla paled, looked pleadingly at Mildred.
``Tell him,'' commanded Mildred.
``Very little,'' said Mrs. Brindley. ``But--''
``Don't try to soften it,'' interrupted Mildred. ``The truth, the plain truth.''
``You've no right to draw me into this,'' cried Cyrilla indignantly, and she started to leave the room.
``I want him to know,'' said Mildred. ``And he wants to know.''
``I refuse to be drawn into it,'' Cyrilla said, and disappeared.
But Mildred saw that Stanley had been shaken. She proceeded to explain to him at length what a singer's career meant--the hardships, the drafts on health and strength, the absolute necessity of being reliable, of singing true, of not disappointing audiences--what a delicate throat meant--how delicate her throat was --how deficient she was in the kind of physical strength needed--muscular power with endurance back of it. When she finished he understood.
``I'd always thought of it as an art,'' he said ruefully. ``Why, it's mostly health and muscles and things that have nothing to do with music.'' He was dazed and offended by this uncovering of the mechanism of the art--by the discovery of the coarse and painful toil, the grossly physical basis, of what had seemed to him all idealism. He had been full of the delusions of spontaneity and inspiration, like all laymen, and all artists, too, except those of the higher ranks--those who have fought their way up to the heights and, so, have learned that one does not achieve them by being caught up to them gloriously in a fiery cloud, but by doggedly and dirtily and sweatily toiling over every inch of the cruel climb.
He sat silent when she had finished.