The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [47]
Self-disclosure is an important ingredient in psychologically intimate relationships. Dexter clearly desires to unburden himself of his secrets. Witness the joy in his confession to psychiatrist Emmet Meridian: “I’m a serial killer. Oh God . . . That feels so amazing to say out loud!” (“Shrink Wrap”). Yet in his relationship with Rita, Dexter was on the horns of a dilemma. Total self-disclosure would surely have meant an abrupt end to the romantic relationship (and to his life outside of a prison cell), and yet total non-disclosure would also have ultimately killed that relationship. Throughout the series, Dexter dropped occasional hints to Rita about a darker side that he keeps hidden, perhaps hoping that she would show signs of receptiveness, but Rita typically ignored these hints or dismissed them outright:
DEXTER: I have a dark side, too. [RITA laughs.] What? I do!
RITA: Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. You’re not like Paul. You don’t hurt people.
DEXTER: Innocent people. I don’t hurt innocent people. (“Circle of Friends,” 1-7)
In season two, a great deal of Dexter’s initial attraction to Lila stemmed from his belief that he could reveal more of his true self to her than he ever could to Rita. Consider the scene where Dexter showed Lila remains of the “Bay Harbor Butcher” (his) victims, and she expressed fascination rather than revulsion:
DEXTER: You’re not disgusted? Appalled? Horrified?
LILA: It’s incredible.
DEXTER: But the person who did this . . .
LILA: Is a person just like me . . . like you. We’re all good, Dexter, and we’re all evil.
DEXTER [V/O]: I thought I closed the door to anyone ever seeing me for who I am, but this woman sees me. She doesn’t know it, but she’s looking behind the mask—and she’s not turning away. (“See-Through”)
A recurring theme in the TV series (and in Jeff Lindsay’s books) is that Dexter can quickly see through the veneers of other killers, and they can similarly penetrate his disguise. Lila, Brian Moser, Arthur Mitchell, and even Sergeant Doakes all carry their own “Dark Passengers.” This shared strangeness leads Dexter to feel an affinity for each of them despite their strong antagonism toward him.
Doakes was sharing space with something, just like I was. Not the same thing, but something very similar, a panther to my tiger . . . A reasonable being might think that he and I could find some common ground; have a cup of coffee and compare our Passengers, exchange trade talk and chitchat about dismemberment techniques. (Dearly Devoted Dexter)
Early on, we saw that Dexter has purely instrumental goals in his human relationships. He expresses a strong fondness for children, perhaps because of their general innocence and lack of guile. But adults are another matter entirely. As Dexter narrates in the book series:
I genuinely wouldn’t care if every human in the universe were suddenly to expire, with the possible exception of myself and maybe Deborah. Other people are less important to me than lawn furniture. I do not, as the shrinks put it so eloquently, have any sense of the reality of others. And I am not burdened with this realization. (Darkly Dreaming Dexter)
Although the Dexter of the TV series is not quite so callous, aside from his sister Debra almost all people of any consequence in Dexter’s life when we first encounter him can be categorized as obstacles to be overcome (e.g., Doakes), props to be used (e.g., his police coworkers), or victims that can satisfy his lust for killing. Dexter feels little empathy for others, and this indifference might stem from a failure to incorporate other people into his self-representation.26 His relationship with Rita started solely because he sought camouflage: