The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [50]
To do this, he needs to allow his self-concept to be influenced by those who already see him this way and can help him develop healthy views of himself, others, and the world. By listening to his angels—Camilla, Debra, and Rita—Dexter moves ever closer to this destination that he so desperately desires, and for which we as an audience so cheerfully root.
Camilla: The Invisible Mother
Camilla was a sweet, homely, donut-loving file clerk who only seemed insignificant. Behind her kind blue eyes rested the concern and protective instincts of a mother—in this case, an invisible one. When lung cancer got the better of her in season three and she slowly but surely began to die, Dexter discovered that she knew of his traumatic beginnings (witnessing the brutal slaughtering of his mother), his connection to the Ice Truck Killer, and perhaps even his secret life as a killer. This startling epiphany changes the meaning of their previous water-cooler chats and mindless transactions significantly. It indicates that their encounters contained subtle but clear injections of the mother-child bond: namely, intense love, acceptance, and support that never wavered no matter what Dexter did.
Dexter couldn’t receive this from his real mother after her death, but he received it from Camilla. We saw evidence of her perpetual but invisible mothering from their first encounter in season one. Camilla said, “Been keeping your fingernails clean . . . good boy” (“Dexter,” 1-1). Later in season one she requested that he “find a nice girl . . . settle down” (“Truth Be Told,” 1-11). At the time these mundane comments seemed to be nothing more than mildly humorous reminders that Dexter believed these things to be well beyond his reach. But in light of the revelations in season three, we realize these comments were, in fact, the stereotypical fretting of a mother-in-disguise. What’s more, evidence suggests these implicit signals penetrated Dexter’s psyche. While he rushed past his workmates without so much as a “hello” during his daily morning donut rounds, he never failed to stop, sit, and chat with Camilla. Still better evidence surfaced in season three when Camilla was on her deathbed. Dexter sat by her side like a loving son and raced around town hoping to satisfy her request for the best key lime pie.
When Dexter reluctantly met her final request, a peaceful death by his hand, Camilla taught him something that all mothers teach their children: that his behaviors, no matter how extreme, do not define him. Though he may travel with a Dark Passenger, that does not make him unlovable. Camilla normalized his fears and secrets. He may think of himself as an evil “monster,” but Camilla helped him see that the act of killing is not so black and white. Spoon-feeding Camilla poisoned key lime pie was not committing a horrific act. Quite the contrary, he was saving a generous and prudent woman from further torture. Her undying gratitude (pardon the pun) confirmed that this act was more humane than a nurse’s morphine or a friend’s prayer could ever be.
On some level, Dexter’s surrogate, symbolic mother taught him another lesson contrary to his common perceptions of self. All those years that Camilla sat at her desk with little donut crumbs bordering her mouth, Dexter resided at the heart of her