The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [77]
Dexter’s reluctance to trust is sometimes broken by flagrant periods of total self-disclosure that do not end well. Both Miguel and Trinity, for example, were privy to Dexter’s secrets for some time before their deaths. Each instance of vulnerability appeared spurred by Dexter’s psychological need to be known completely by another person. His relationship with Miguel in season three was perhaps the most telling of this desire. The two developed a friendship and Dexter tested the relationship in “Sí Se Puede” (3-6) by telling Miguel about Clemson Galt, a white supremacist he had always wanted to kill. Miguel was unfazed and wished get in on the plan. Dexter was both surprised and delighted, and he began to teach Miguel the code, defending his decisions when admonishing visions of Harry warned him not to trust his new friend. This trust was broken when Dexter learned that Miguel had been fooling him and strayed from the code to murder Ellen Wolf, an innocent woman. Dexter seemed hurt, angry, and disappointed in himself. He rebuilt his metaphorical self-protective wall once more, not really showing himself again until season four.
Deb, too, suffers romantically and struggles with interpersonal trust issues. She has a history of failed relationships and bounces from one man to the next without much thought. One explanation for her behavior is that Deb is still desperately seeking a man’s approval. The notable absence of close female relationships in her life may also hint at the emphasis she puts on obtaining the male approval she never received from Harry. Consistent with children of narcissistic families, Deb seems to define approval in terms of the attention and affection she receives from others. Evidence of her attention-seeking is found in her relationship with Brian (a.k.a., Rudy), the Ice Truck Killer, in season one, who showered her with affection and acceptance, as well as her relationship with Lundy, in seasons two and four, who praised her achievements. In addition, in season four she became uncomfortable with the more balanced relationship she had with Anton. With him there were conditions for acceptance, including honesty, availability, and commitment to him alone. Anton confronted Deb about her feelings toward Lundy and demanded a certain amount of her time and attention, even when that meant taking her away from work. Because this unsettled Deb, she was easily drawn away from the relationship and back to the comfort of Lundy.
In her relationships, Deb is much more trusting than Dexter, but like him her disclosures are sometimes careless. Deb frequently lets down her guard when members of the opposite sex express an appealing interest in her. Quick to initiate sexual relationships and fall in love, Deb often finds herself vulnerable to the wrong man.
Healing
Though they are fictional characters, Dexter and Deb Morgan seem to share a set of personal and behavioral patterns consistent with individuals raised in narcissistic family systems. A review of their upbringing supports this theory and suggests that Harry may have been too self-absorbed to adequately meet the needs of either. Although it is plausible that Harry may have genuinely tried to protect Dexter with the code, there is no similar explanation for Deb. In addition, even with the code to control Dexter’s behavior, Harry failed to meet his son’s emotional needs. Given this theory, we can develop further ideas about the characters and even use it to predict where they might go from here.
First, let me propose that this inquiry suggests possible solutions to other, more common questions about Dexter and his sister. For example, how did Dexter come to be a serial killer with a sense of morality? Using narcissistic family theory, we might ascertain that it is because he was molded into an extension of Harry himself. Also, we might wonder why Deb continues