The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [88]
Even when Dexter came clean about the trip to find his mother’s killer, Rita was hurt by the fact that she was excluded from that important moment in Dexter’s life. “You chose to include Lila, and not me,” she said (“Dex, Lies, and Videotape”). To make matters worse, despite the fact that Dexter did not have sex with Lila during the trip to Naples, he slept with her after Rita found out about the trip. Rita was so hurt by this betrayal that she could not stand any further contact with Dexter and kicked him out of her place and her life.
Deb lectured Dexter about his behavior, asking him, “How could you do this to Rita, let alone her kids? You’re like [Paul]” (“That Night, A Forest Grew,” 2-7). He continued his fling with Lila knowing full well that he was damaging Rita’s emotional well-being. If anything, his relationship with Lila taught him new methods of manipulation. Lila was a master of manipulation, willing to set fire to her own apartment to keep Dexter in a relationship with her, acting all teary-eyed after the fire and saying, “Promise me that you won’t leave me, that you won’t go anywhere” (“That Night, A Forest Grew”).
Although Rita and Dexter broke up, the kids still felt a strong connection with him, and Cody left his toys in Dexter’s satchel, forcing a visit. Dexter arrived in the morning with a box of donuts in one hand—much the same way Paul did halfway through the first season. Rita told Dexter, “Don’t ever do it again. It’s too hard on the kids, and it’s too hard on me. It’s Paul all over again” (“Morning Comes,” 2-8). Dexter assumed Paul’s role as the emotionally abusive father figure who, as far as Rita was aware, was also addicted to drugs.
Though Dexter was not physically abusive to Rita, he did show evidence of physical abuse in his relationship with Lila. When she broke into Rita’s home, he started with threats, warning Lila, “Stay away from Rita. Stay away from me. Or you will see the monster” (“Morning Comes”). After another unpleasant encounter with Lila, Dexter became physically abusive, grabbing Lila forcibly by the shoulders and yelling at her. Dexter eventually did show Lila “the monster,” murdering her.
Despite the pain caused her, Rita forgave Dexter and took him back, and in the next season became pregnant with his child. Rita understood Dexter’s uncertainty about what to do, saying, “I don’t want to force him into anything. That’s kinda what happened with the ex-husband. Well, that and the fact that he [Paul] was a sociopath” (“Finding Freebo,” 3-2). Rita had no idea of the savage irony that her words carried. After some initial doubts on Dexter’s part, they got married. (In the process, Dexter learned that Rita was married for six months when she was sixteen [“Do You Take Dexter Morgan?” 3-12]. Although little was revealed about this marriage, its brevity suggests that it could have been the first in a series of abusive marriages.)
As Rita and Dexter grew closer, Dexter had to lie to her and manipulate her in order to perpetrate his killings, skipping dates with her in favor of grisly engagements with his victims. Dexter’s repeated, poorly explained absences constituted serious psychological abuse. “I’ve been calling you for hours,” Rita complained one morning (“Waiting to Exhale”). On another occasion, Dexter totaled his car and suffered a concussion while racing home from a kill. He passed it off as a minor accident. “You lied to me, Dexter,” said Rita. “I saw your car. It wasn’t a fender bender—it was destroyed” (“Remains to be Seen,” 4-2).
For, Rita, the most shocking discovery came a few days later when she discovered that Dexter had kept his old apartment the entire time that they had been married