The Red Wyvern - Katharine Kerr [30]
Yet all that evening and on into the night she found herself missing that doll. In her dreams she searched for it in strange chambers filled with armed men, who never noticed her as she crept along the walls and slipped through half-open doors. In the morning when she woke, she reached for the doll, which had always slept with her when she’d been a child.
“Of course it’s not there, you dolt,” she told herself. “You lost it when they brought you back here.”
What if somehow her mother had found and kept it? Perhaps it really was in that chamber, where she’d seen it in vision. Toward the middle of the morning, when she was sitting in the great hall, she saw her mother and Bevyan both in attendance upon the queen. No doubt the three of them would go to the royal women’s hall and be busy there for some long while. Although she felt foolish for doing so, Lilli hurried upstairs.
In her mother’s chambers she found not the doll but Brour, sitting sideways by the window so that the sunlight could fall upon the pages of an enormous book, about as tall as a man’s forearm and half-again as wide, that he’d laid upon the table. With his lower lip stuck out, and his big head bent in concentration, he looked more like a child than ever. When she walked in, he shut the book with some effort. She could smell ancient damp exhaling from its pages. Grey stains marred the dark leather of its bindings.
“I can’t read, you know,” Lilli said. “You don’t have to worry about me seeing your secrets.”
“Well, that’s true.” Brour smiled briefly. “Are you looking for your mother, lass? She told me that she’d be waiting upon the queen all day.”
“Ah, I thought so. I just wanted to see if I’d left a little thing here.”
“Look all you please.” Brour waved his hand vaguely at the chamber.
Feeling more foolish than ever Lilli walked around, glancing behind the furniture, opening the carved chests, which held nothing but her mother’s clothes. Brour clasped his book in his arms and watched her.
“You don’t see my head in there again, do you?” he said at last.
“I don’t, and may the Goddess be thanked. That was truly horrible.”
“I didn’t find the omen amusing, either.” His voice turned flat.
Lilli shut the last chest, then leaned in the curve of the wall to watch him watch her. His short, thick fingers dug into the leather bindings of his book.
“It must have scared you,” she said.
“A fair bit, truly. What do you think the meaning was?”
“I’ve no idea. My mother never tells me how to interpret the things I see.”
“No doubt.” Brour made a little grunt of disgust. “She treats you like an infant, doesn’t she? You should be learning how to use your gifts.”
Lilli laid one hand at her throat.
“Does that frighten you?” Brour went on. “A pity, if so.”
“I never asked for any of this. I hate doing it, I just hate it.”
Brour considered her for a moment, then laid his book on the table.
“You hate it because you don’t understand it. If you understood it, you wouldn’t hate it.” All at once he smiled at her. “I’ll make you a promise about that.”
Lilli hesitated, then glanced at the door. She could leave, she should just leave, and find some of the court women to keep her company.
“By all means, go if you want,” Brour said. “But don’t you even want to know what it is you’re doing, when you scry at your mother’s whim?”
“I’m seeing omens,” Lilli snapped. “I know that much.”
“Ah, but where are you seeing them?”
The question caught her. She’d so often wondered just that.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Do you?”
“I do indeed.” Brour smiled again, and he seemed much kinder than she’d ever thought him to be. “Come now, won’t you sit down? Explaining where portents come from is no short matter.”
Lilli took a step toward the table, then stopped.
“If my mother finds out about this, she’ll beat me.”
“Then we’d best make sure she knows nothing.” Brour pointed at the chair across from his. “Haven’t you