The Red Wyvern - Katharine Kerr [46]
Abrwnna tossed her head in her practiced ripple of red-gold hair.
“Well, maybe not. But I don’t want to die a virgin after being shut up for years and years. But I don’t want people talking about me, either. Bevva says that honor’s like water. Once you spill it, you can’t get it back into the goblet, and it’s all dirty anyway.”
“Lady Bevyan does take a strict view of such things.” Here was her chance!
“I do like her, though,” Abrwnna said. “Don’t you?”
“I do, indeed, my liege. In some ways we understand each other very well. We’ve both lost sons and lands to the wars.”
“That must be awful.”
“It is, truly.” Merodda looked away and allowed herself a small sigh. “Women take it different ways. Some of us learn to seize every bit of joy our life offers, and others—well, they get strangely harsh.”
“Harsh?”
“When it comes to judging other women. Some do, you know, like—well, like our Bevyan.”
“Indeed?” Abrwnna leaned forward in her chair, her hands clasped. “What do you mean, judging others?”
“Oh, that’s very unfair of me, truly. It’s just that she’s led such an exemplary life herself. It must be a bit hard to understand that other people aren’t as strong as she is.”
“She talks about being strong all the time.”
“She does, and she’s quite right of course. In your position, my liege, you cannot be too careful. What the court thinks of you is very important, and indeed, it could turn dangerous, if important lords like Tieryn Peddyc should begin to think ill of you. Which is why—”
Merodda hesitated, watching the young queen’s face.
“Why what?” Abrwnna snapped.
“Naught, my liege. Naught that need concern you.”
“Stop that! You were going to tell me somewhat, and I want to know what it is.”
“Very well. I wonder at times what Lady Bevyan might be saying to her lord.”
Abrwnna gasped, but it was an honest sound, not one of her rehearsed alarms.
“That’s what I mean, Your Highness,” Merodda went on, “when I say that you need to be very very careful. You know the old saying: you can spoon the dead flies out of the honey, but it won’t taste as sweet to those who saw them there. Your honor is all you have in life, and believe you me, there will be plenty of women who’ll be judging how worthy of your position you are. The old ones are the worst. Sitting around and waiting for their betters to make a slip!”
Abrwnna leapt to her feet in a swirl of long dresses.
“What have they been saying about me?”
“Your Highness!” Merodda got up to join her. “What makes you think anyone’s been—”
“Oh don’t! I’m not stupid. I can see what you’re hinting at. What are they saying?”
Merodda hesitated, looking torn. Finally she sighed.
“Only what Your Highness might think,” Merodda said. “It’s the fellowship of course. All those young men at your feet! Can’t you imagine how jealous they all are, the other women? Especially those who aren’t young anymore.”
“I shan’t disband my fellowship. I shan’t shan’t shan’t!”
“Very well, Your Highness. Then you must be very careful about whom you take into your confidence.”
“I can’t believe that Bevyan would betray me.”
“She hasn’t.” Merodda hesitated again. “Not that I know of, anyway. Not that anyone would dare repeat scurrilous gossip about you to me. But when the other women get to talking, it’s so easy at times to go along with the drift, if you know what I mean. Especially if you really don’t approve—I mean, especially if you’re worried, and I know Bevva does worry, Your Highness, just as I do. We only want the best for you.”
With a toss of her head Abrwnna stalked to the window. When Merodda started to follow, she spun around. Tears streaked her face.
“Go away!” Abrwnna snapped. “I need to think about this. Leave me alone!”
“Your Highness!” Merodda went cold with fear. “I never meant to upset you so. Let me beg your pardon—”
“Oh, Rhodi, it’s not you! It’s just this—this—feeling betrayed. I need to think about Lady Bevyan.”
“Oh please, don’t be angry with her! She really does mean well.”
“So they all do, everyone means well. The poor little queen, that’s what they call me.