The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro [99]
‘Oh? What things in particular do you mean, Mr Stevens?’
‘Oh, nothing in particular, Mrs Benn.’
‘Oh, Mr Stevens, you really must tell me.’
‘Well, for instance, Mrs Benn,’ I said with a laugh, ‘at one point in your letter, you write – now let me see – “the rest of my life stretches out like an emptiness before me.” Some words to that effect.’
‘Really, Mr Stevens,’ she said, also laughing a little. ‘I couldn’t have written any such thing.’
‘Oh, I assure you you did, Mrs Benn. I recall it very clearly.’
‘Oh dear. Well, perhaps there are some days when I feel like that. But they pass quickly enough. Let me assure you, Mr Stevens, my life does not stretch out emptily before me. For one thing, we are looking forward to the grandchild. The first of a few perhaps.’
‘Yes, indeed. That will be splendid for you.’
We drove on quietly for a few further moments. Then Miss Kenton said:
‘And what about you, Mr Stevens? What does the future hold for you back at Darlington Hall?’
‘Well, whatever awaits me, Mrs Benn, I know I’m not awaited by emptiness. If only I were. But oh no, there’s work, work and more work.’
We both laughed at this. Then Miss Kenton pointed out a bus shelter visible further up the road. As we approached it, she said:
‘Will you wait with me, Mr Stevens? The bus will only be a few minutes.’
The rain was still falling steadily as we got out of the car and hurried towards the shelter. This latter – a stone construct complete with a tiled roof – looked very sturdy, as indeed it needed to be, standing as it did in a highly exposed position against a background of empty fields. Inside, the paint was peeling everywhere, but the place was clean enough. Miss Kenton seated herself on the bench provided, while I remained on my feet where I could command a view of the approaching bus. On the other side of the road, all I could see were more farm fields; a line of telegraph poles led my eye over them into the far distance.
After we had been waiting in silence for a few minutes, I finally brought myself to say:
‘Excuse me, Mrs Benn. But the fact is we may not meet again for a long time. I wonder if you would perhaps permit me to ask you something of a rather personal order. It is something that has been troubling me for some time.’
‘Certainly, Mr Stevens. We are old friends, after all.’
‘Indeed, as you say, we are old friends. I simply wished to ask you, Mrs Benn. Please do not reply if you feel you shouldn’t. But the fact is, the letters I have had from you over the years, and in particular the last letter, have tended to suggest that you are – how might one put it? – rather unhappy. I simply wondered if you were being ill-treated in some way. Forgive me, but as I say, it is something that has worried me for some time. I would feel foolish had I come all this way and seen you and not at least asked you.’
‘Mr Stevens, there’s no need to be so embarrassed. We’re old friends, after all, are we not? In fact, I’m very touched you should be so concerned. And I can put your mind at rest on this matter absolutely. My husband does not mistreat me at all in any way. He is not in the least a cruel or ill-tempered man.’
‘I must say, Mrs Benn, that does take a load from my mind.’
I leaned forward into the rain, looking for signs of the bus.
‘I can see you are not very satisfied, Mr Stevens,’ Miss Kenton said. ‘Do you not believe me?’
‘Oh, it’s not that, Mrs Benn, not that at all. It’s just that the fact remains, you do not seem to have been happy over the years. That is to say – forgive me – you have taken it on yourself to leave your husband on a number of occasions. If he does not mistreat you, then, well … one is rather mystified as to the cause of your unhappiness.’
I looked out into the drizzle again. Eventually, I heard Miss Kenton say behind me: ‘Mr Stevens, how can I explain? I hardly know myself why I do such things. But it’s true, I’ve left three times now.’ She paused a moment, during which time I continued to gaze out towards the fields on the other side of the road. Then