The Riddle of Gender - Deborah Rudacille [162]
The real issue is that if the person going through the transition has a good spiritual relationship with the Creator, and realizes that the Creator loves them and isn’t condemning them to hell because of their feelings, they have the support they need to get through the difficult times. But to just close it out and say, “I don’t need this,” because of the bad experiences they’ve had, they don’t have closure. This is where you are going to see the problems, because it will keep resurfacing. In terms of finding a church where you can be accepted, it’s the same as the gay issue. As long as they don’t know about you, they are fine. If they find out, you’ll have problems.
Q: Which denominations are most accepting?
I think Unitarians have been very accepting. But in reality it doesn’t matter what denomination it is. Every denomination is going to have a community that is really a community of God, that loves, that is not going to judge, that is going to accept you as a child of God, as you are. They are going to say, “Are you happier now than you were before? Yes? That’s all that matters.” And they’ll be supportive.
Q: Have you ever considered your transgenderness to be a spiritual gift?”
No, but I do look at myself as being blessed. There were times when I didn’t look on it as a blessing, prior to surgery and the misery that I inflicted on my ex. She never knew what was going on in my head, why I was standoffish. And yet, society forces us into roles that we weren’t meant for with no consideration that, by doing this, instead of hurting just one person, you’re going to wind up hurting lots of people. It’s tragic, and small wonder that so many suicides have occurred.
I was also blessed that when the time came that I had to finally acknowledge who I was and go for help, I had supportive parents. Dad told me that at first they didn’t understand so they went to see a psychiatrist, who told them, “I don’t know very much about the subject but I will tell you this: if your son is a transsexual, then get used to the idea that you are going to have a daughter, because she’s always been your daughter but has just worked overtime to hide it from you.” So Dad took the position that this wasn’t my fault, this wasn’t my choice, and he was very supportive. Mom had more difficulty than Dad but I think it was because of her family. My mother’s side was military and Republican and very straitlaced, and so it was hard for them. My grandmother was about eighty-two when I started transition and wanted nothing to do with me.
But she was a paraplegic and she would spend two weeks with Mom and Dad and two weeks with my aunt and uncle. I came home from the hospital the day she was to come back for her two weeks here. I had taken a shower and I was lying on the bed, changing my dressings, and she rolled into the room, saw me, was shocked and apologized, but she had this look on her face. She was curious as all get-out. And I said, “All right, Grandma. If you want to look, come over.” And my mother came in and said, “Oh, I’ll get Grandma out of here,” and I said, “No, it’s okay. Grandma wanted to see.” And I could see that mother wanted to see also. And so they came over to the edge of the bed, and Grandma leaned forward and she looked at me and she said to my mother, “She looks just like us.”
That was the first time she had ever used “she,” and from that moment on I was Joanna. And she never once slipped. And if anyone else slipped she corrected them.
ANSWERING THE RIDDLE
The various answers to the riddle of gender that have been proposed by scientists are no less culturally influenced than the answers proposed by religion or law. Scientific attempts to solve the riddle are determined not only by cultural beliefs about the different roles of men and women but also by the state of science itself—the kinds of questions that scientists are able to ask and answer in any given era. Milton Diamond repeated to me the old joke about the man who had lost his most valuable possession and was