The Riddle of Gender - Deborah Rudacille [18]
CONVERSATION WITH BEN BARRES, M.D., PH.D.
Dr. Barres is Professor of Neurobiology and Developmental Biology at Stanford University. He graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, obtained an M.D. from Dartmouth Medical School, completed a neurology residency at Cornell, and obtained a Ph.D. from Harvard Medical School. He studies interactions between glia and neurons in the brain, and is internationally known for his work. He is in his late forties, but his bearded baby face makes him look much younger. I interviewed him in his office at Stanford University, which was cluttered in the way a scientist’s office is usually cluttered, with books and papers. He was wearing shorts, a T-shirt, and tennis shoes and looked like he had just come from his lab. I asked him to speak from his perspective as both a scientist and a transman.
Q: Do you feel comfortable sharing some of the details of your personal story?”
I think that I have the typical story. All the transsexuals I talk to have exactly the same story. It gets boring after a while. As early as I can remember, I thought that I was a boy. I wanted to play with boys’ toys, play with my brother and my brother’s friends and not my sister. I was always being given girls’ toys, like Barbie. But I never wanted to play with dolls. I wanted to go and beat up on boys. I remember one year my brother got Rock ’Em, Sock ’Em Robots, and I was so jealous. And I remember at Halloween I was dressing up as an army man, or I was a football player. And it just seemed so natural to me, but looking back now I think, “My god, what must my parents have been thinking?”
Q: Did they think that you were a tomboy?’
I guess so. I remember that I beat up the biggest bully in grade school. Came home with broken glasses from fighting the boys in the street. Got mud all over me and played with trucks. I had a great time. It became a problem only when I got to the age where the boys realized that they shouldn’t be playing with girls. It was at some point in grade school, around nine or so, when it became clear that the boys didn’t want to play with girls anymore. And I’d go over to my friend’s house to play and I remember at one point the parents said, “I don’t think that it’s right for you to play with him anymore,” and I was like “Why not?” I didn’t understand it. I was just having a good time playing. You know, if I had been gay, I think that I might have had a lot of hazing from the other boys, about wanting to play with girls, but…
Q: The gender rules were looser for girls?”
Only up to a certain age, though. At that point it did begin to become quite difficult. I can remember that I wanted to be in the Cub Scouts so bad, and Boy Scouts. Instead I was in the Brownies, and I hated that. We were baking cookies, and I wanted to go camping. I wanted to take shop and auto mechanics. There are a lot of girls who might want to do that stuff, too. I can remember feeling strongly about it and really being distressed, particularly when some of the guys were allowed to take cooking classes. But I’ve always been the kind of person who has had a lot of interests and can keep myself busy, so I just decided to be by myself rather than playing with my sister’s friends or the other girls. I was kind of ostracized growing up. I was never in the “in” group. I was always sort of socially rejected. Because I was different. I really was sort of like that boy in a dress, or something.
I was remembering just the other day something that happened in grade school, or maybe it was in junior high. I remember the Girl Scout leader yelling at me, saying, “Why do you always have to be different, Barbara?