The rise of Theodore Roosevelt - Edmund Morris [277]
FITCH (lolling back in his chair) Tush! Tush! I won’t discuss the matter with you in this fashion. You’re always looking for a fight.
ROOSEVELT I fight when I am attacked!
FITCH (idly) Oh, go on, I don’t want to fight with you. (Toys with pencil.)
ROOSEVELT (snapping his teeth) I know you won’t fight. You’ll run away.
FITCH Well, I wouldn’t run away from you, at all events.
ROOSEVELT (shouting) You dare not fight!
FITCH Oh, I don’t, hey? Just name your weapons. What do you want—pistols?
ROOSEVELT Pistols or anything else! (Dancing with rage.)
“At this point,” wrote the World correspondent, “two reporters who were in the line of fire dropped their notes and dodged under the table.” Fitch was no man to challenge lightly, being the unscarred winner of some thirty sword fights at the University of Heidelberg.60 Fortunately Mayor Strong, who had been listening to the whole exchange with trembling eyelids, made one of the few decisive gestures of his administration. He raised a rheumatic fist and brought it down on the table with a crash.
STRONG (wincing) Gentlemen, gentlemen! I warn you right now that if this thing goes on I shall call in the police and have you both arrested.
FITCH Oh, this man Roosevelt is always getting into a row.… He had a row with Parker, now he wants a row with me.61
The matter was referred to Corporation Counsel, and Roosevelt stalked out in a towering rage. Later he calmed down and told reporters that there would be no duel. But it was too late to avoid headlines, and for days afterward press and public rejoiced in the story. The Tribune bet on Roosevelt, who was “always in condition to whip his weight in wildcats,” while the yellow press came out strongly for Fitch. The Evening Post, anxious as ever to avoid bloodshed, suggested “a meeting in the City Hall plaza with Fire Department hoses at 30 paces,” but popular opinion was in favor of a real duel. Offers of seconds—and executors—came in from as far away as Philadelphia, and Fitch was reported to have collected “a small arsenal” of gift weapons.62 One enormous horse-pistol, adapted to fire peas, putty, and spitballs, was sent to the Mayor by a citizen concerned for his safety. Strong was immensely tickled. “I shall use this at all future Board meetings,” he declared.63
Actually William Strong had begun to sympathize with his beleaguered Police Commissioner. However much he might regret Roosevelt’s hot-headedness, he liked the man, and admired his decency. As for Parker (who had been seen gleefully slapping Fitch on the back after the Board of Estimate meeting),64 the Mayor regretted ever having appointed him. He had done so in response to intense pressure by the County Democracy, which supported his reform ticket in 1894; and now the taste of that particular compromise was bitter in his mouth. Parker’s obstructionism, absenteeism, and indolence had all but halted the work of the Police Department. Morale was sinking steadily, and the crime rate was climbing in proportion. Chief Conlin had become so depressed (while still doggedly supporting Parker) as to request sick leave in Europe. The fifty-five-year-old officer was said to be ready to quit, and wanted only to lead his men in a final parade up Fifth Avenue before handing in his badge.65
The worst news, as far as Strong was concerned, was that Parker, casting around for a new ally, had managed to ensnare Commissioner Grant. Both men were now boycotting Police Board meetings,66 leaving Avery Andrews as Roosevelt’s only faithful supporter—and even Andrews was beginning to show signs of polite impatience with the dead-lock.
The final straw came when Roosevelt approached the Mayor with evidence showing that Parker was corrupt. A patrolman named McMorrow had signed an affidavit, dated 20 April 1896, stating that he had bought his appointment for $400, the understanding being that “it was to be done through Commissioner Parker.”67
Roosevelt was reluctant to publicize this affidavit, since it would seriously damage his Board’s reputation for personal honesty, and he could