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Something about a Florida movie theater, I think. Did you hear anything about that?

Before all that. Was he banished?

No, Pee-wee Herman was always great for us. There was a very small falling-out—I think it had something to do with The Arsenio Hall Show. I don’t know whether it was him or us or both of us.

Would you have him back?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. You know who I really miss? There’s a song on the new R.E.M. CD that I listened to like six times before I finally realized, “Holy shit, this is about Andy Kaufman!” Andy would orchestrate and rehearse each of his appearances for maximum impact. And when the impact worked, good or bad, he would savor it. If we could have one guest like Andy—to me that’s worth six months of new material. Steve Martin also does it for us. He comes on and actually performs. There’s nobody else like that now.

The night Sonny and Cher reunited on your show, you spoke of the futility of mixing business and romantic partnerships. You were alluding, I guess, to your relationship with Merrill Markoe, with whom you created this show.

Right, right. One night I think maybe Merrill and I will get back together on the show and do a couple of songs. I’m still very fond of her, and she’s one of these people to whom I owe a great debt. Sadly, I haven’t talked to her in years. This is so silly, but in the time that has elapsed, Merrill’s mother died, and I never knew about it. Two more years go by and her dog Stan dies. So I sent her a note of condolence over the death of Stan—completely ignorant of the fact that her mother had passed away. I somberly wrote, “I now take pen in hand . . .” and she must have thought: “Yeah, but what about my mother? She’s been dead for a year and a half, and you never said anything!” But with Stan, word came to us that he’d somehow eaten an entire ham. Oh, God. [Chuckles] And it just killed him. Too much ham.

As I recall, your dog Bob was on the West Coast with Merrill when he died. That must have been a tough night for you to get through the show.

Yep, yep. At the time, Merrill and I were estranged. It turned out Bob was ridden with cancer. He had eaten a Presto log, and as a result, his lungs were covered with tumors. But they give off a nicely colored flame if burned—very festive for the holidays. So she called and said the vet thought we should put him to sleep. I said I’d be off the following week and would come out. But the vet said we couldn’t wait. So they put him to sleep right there, which was—it was sad . . . But I can’t—I’m not sure I would have been much good had I been there.

Merrill recently published a tell-all book about life with Bob and Stan, didn’t she?

We wanted her to be on the show to promote it, but the only request we made—because of her relationship with me and the show—was that we wanted her to do our show first. It made a difference to me. But because of scheduling, it couldn’t happen. She did every other show: Howard Stern, Arsenio Hall, Jay. Which is fine. She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever known in my life. I mean, we haven’t had a good idea since she left.

Is there a downside to being in a relationship with you?

Do the words “moody drunk” mean anything to you?

Many would imagine you’re every gal’s dream.

Yeah, you’d think so, wouldn’t you? But I’m no day at the beach, let’s just say that.

Does fatherhood beckon?

Well, I get very excited about kids. A while back, all of my friends started having kids, and I was spending more time with infants than I had ever spent since I was an infant. And I found them just a wonder. It was something that I hadn’t really thought about until the last two or three years. So I’ve decided that as soon as I get everything in my life just perfect, then I’ll start having kids. I’m looking at maybe six, eight months of fine-tuning, and then we’re on to the family.

Are you feeling pressure to get yourself hitched?

Well, you know, I’ve had that