The School For Scandal [18]
you shall no longer reproach me with not giving you
an independent settlement--I shall shortly surprise you--and you'll
not call me ungenerous--but shall we always live thus--hey?
LADY TEAZLE. If you--please--I'm sure I don't care how soon we leave
off quarrelling provided you'll own you were tired first--
SIR PETER. Well--then let our future contest be who shall be most
obliging.
LADY TEAZLE. I assure you Sir Peter Good Nature becomes you--
you look now as you did before we were married--when you used
to walk with me under the Elms, and tell me stories of what
a Gallant you were in your youth--and chuck me under the chin
you would--and ask me if I thought I could love an old Fellow
who would deny me nothing--didn't you?
SIR PETER. Yes--yes--and you were as kind and attentive----
LADY TEAZLE. Aye so I was--and would always take your Part, when
my acquaintance used to abuse you and turn you into ridicule--
SIR PETER. Indeed!
LADY TEAZLE. Aye--and when my cousin Sophy has called you a stiff
peevish old batchelor and laugh'd at me for thinking of marrying one
who might be my Father--I have always defended you--and said I didn't
think you so ugly by any means, and that you'd make a very good sort
of a husband--
SIR PETER. And you prophesied right--and we shall certainly now
be the happiest couple----
LADY TEAZLE. And never differ again.
SIR PETER. No never--tho' at the same time indeed--my dear Lady
Teazle--you must watch your Temper very narrowly--for in all our
little Quarrels--my dear--if you recollect my Love you always began
first--
LADY TEAZLE. I beg your Pardon--my dear Sir Peter--indeed--
you always gave the provocation.
SIR PETER. Now--see, my Love take care--contradicting isn't the way
to keep Friends.
LADY TEAZLE. Then don't you begin it my Love!
SIR PETER. There now--you are going on--you don't perceive[,]
my Life, that you are just doing the very thing my Love which
you know always makes me angry.
LADY TEAZLE. Nay--you know if you will be angry without any reason--
my Dear----
SIR PETER. There now you want to quarrel again.
LADY TEAZLE. No--I am sure I don't--but if you will be so peevish----
SIR PETER. There--now who begins first?
LADY TEAZLE. Why you to be sure--I said nothing[--]but there's
no bearing your Temper.
SIR PETER. No--no--my dear--the fault's in your own temper.
LADY TEAZLE. Aye you are just what my Cousin Sophy said you
would be--
SIR PETER. Your Cousin Sophy--is a forward impertinent Gipsey--
LADY TEAZLE. Go you great Bear--how dare you abuse my Relations--
SIR PETER. Now may all the Plagues of marriage be doubled on me,
if ever I try to be Friends with you any more----
LADY TEAZLE. So much the Better.
SIR PETER. No--no Madam 'tis evident you never cared a pin for me--
I was a madman to marry you--
LADY TEAZLE. And I am sure I was a Fooll to marry you--an old
dangling Batchelor, who was single of [at] fifty--only because
He never could meet with any one who would have him.
SIR PETER. Aye--aye--Madam--but you were pleased enough to listen
to me--you never had such an offer before--
LADY TEAZLE. No--didn't I refuse Sir Jeremy Terrier--who everybody
said would have been a better Match--for his estate is just as good
as yours--and he has broke his Neck since we have been married!
SIR PETER. I have done with you Madam! You are an unfeeling--
ungrateful--but there's an end of everything--I believe you capable
of anything that's bad--Yes, Madam--I now believe the Reports
relative to you and Charles--Madam--yes--Madam--you and Charles are--
not without grounds----
LADY TEAZLE. Take--care Sir Peter--you had better not insinuate any
such thing! I'll not be suspected without cause I promise you----
SIR PETER. Very--well--Madam--very well! a separate maintenance--
as soon as you Please. Yes Madam or a Divorce--I'll make an example
of myself for the Benefit of all old Batchelors--Let us separate,
Madam.
LADY TEAZLE. Agreed--agreed--and now--my
an independent settlement--I shall shortly surprise you--and you'll
not call me ungenerous--but shall we always live thus--hey?
LADY TEAZLE. If you--please--I'm sure I don't care how soon we leave
off quarrelling provided you'll own you were tired first--
SIR PETER. Well--then let our future contest be who shall be most
obliging.
LADY TEAZLE. I assure you Sir Peter Good Nature becomes you--
you look now as you did before we were married--when you used
to walk with me under the Elms, and tell me stories of what
a Gallant you were in your youth--and chuck me under the chin
you would--and ask me if I thought I could love an old Fellow
who would deny me nothing--didn't you?
SIR PETER. Yes--yes--and you were as kind and attentive----
LADY TEAZLE. Aye so I was--and would always take your Part, when
my acquaintance used to abuse you and turn you into ridicule--
SIR PETER. Indeed!
LADY TEAZLE. Aye--and when my cousin Sophy has called you a stiff
peevish old batchelor and laugh'd at me for thinking of marrying one
who might be my Father--I have always defended you--and said I didn't
think you so ugly by any means, and that you'd make a very good sort
of a husband--
SIR PETER. And you prophesied right--and we shall certainly now
be the happiest couple----
LADY TEAZLE. And never differ again.
SIR PETER. No never--tho' at the same time indeed--my dear Lady
Teazle--you must watch your Temper very narrowly--for in all our
little Quarrels--my dear--if you recollect my Love you always began
first--
LADY TEAZLE. I beg your Pardon--my dear Sir Peter--indeed--
you always gave the provocation.
SIR PETER. Now--see, my Love take care--contradicting isn't the way
to keep Friends.
LADY TEAZLE. Then don't you begin it my Love!
SIR PETER. There now--you are going on--you don't perceive[,]
my Life, that you are just doing the very thing my Love which
you know always makes me angry.
LADY TEAZLE. Nay--you know if you will be angry without any reason--
my Dear----
SIR PETER. There now you want to quarrel again.
LADY TEAZLE. No--I am sure I don't--but if you will be so peevish----
SIR PETER. There--now who begins first?
LADY TEAZLE. Why you to be sure--I said nothing[--]but there's
no bearing your Temper.
SIR PETER. No--no--my dear--the fault's in your own temper.
LADY TEAZLE. Aye you are just what my Cousin Sophy said you
would be--
SIR PETER. Your Cousin Sophy--is a forward impertinent Gipsey--
LADY TEAZLE. Go you great Bear--how dare you abuse my Relations--
SIR PETER. Now may all the Plagues of marriage be doubled on me,
if ever I try to be Friends with you any more----
LADY TEAZLE. So much the Better.
SIR PETER. No--no Madam 'tis evident you never cared a pin for me--
I was a madman to marry you--
LADY TEAZLE. And I am sure I was a Fooll to marry you--an old
dangling Batchelor, who was single of [at] fifty--only because
He never could meet with any one who would have him.
SIR PETER. Aye--aye--Madam--but you were pleased enough to listen
to me--you never had such an offer before--
LADY TEAZLE. No--didn't I refuse Sir Jeremy Terrier--who everybody
said would have been a better Match--for his estate is just as good
as yours--and he has broke his Neck since we have been married!
SIR PETER. I have done with you Madam! You are an unfeeling--
ungrateful--but there's an end of everything--I believe you capable
of anything that's bad--Yes, Madam--I now believe the Reports
relative to you and Charles--Madam--yes--Madam--you and Charles are--
not without grounds----
LADY TEAZLE. Take--care Sir Peter--you had better not insinuate any
such thing! I'll not be suspected without cause I promise you----
SIR PETER. Very--well--Madam--very well! a separate maintenance--
as soon as you Please. Yes Madam or a Divorce--I'll make an example
of myself for the Benefit of all old Batchelors--Let us separate,
Madam.
LADY TEAZLE. Agreed--agreed--and now--my