The Sea Devil's Eye - Mel Odom [21]
"I'm sorry," Jherek whispered, knowing how feeble those words were.
"Lathander keeps me strong." Glawinn bowed his head for a moment, then turned to Jherek. "You need only believe, young warrior. Let your faith and your heart guide you, not your birth, not everything you've seen. Pursue that which you want, and a way of living that pleases and rewards you."
"There is nothing to believe in."
"So, for now at least, that is what you believe, young warrior, but to believe that there is nothing to believe in, is a belief itself." Glawinn smiled at his own circular logic. "Don't you see? If there was no belief in you, you would be like a piece of driftwood tossed out on the sea."
"Even driftwood finds a shore sooner or later," Jherek said.
A smile crossed Glawinn's face. "How much you know yet refuse to see. Truly, your stubbornness is as great as any I've ever witnessed." He crossed the room to stand in front of Jherek, then put his hands on the young sailor's shoulders and said, "When I look at you, I see a good man."
Unable to maintain eye contact, Jherek dropped his gaze to his boots.
"I only wish that you could see yourself through my eyes." Glawinn paused. "Or Sabyna's."
"I've got to go." Jherek couldn't stand there any more. It hurt too much.
The paladin pulled his hands away and said, "You won't be able to escape the doubts that fill you, young warrior. They only sound the emptiness that is within you. Belief is the only thing that will make you whole again."
Jherek held back hot tears. "If there was just something to hold to, I could," he said, "but there is nothing."
"Sabyna loves you, young warrior."
That single declaration scared Jherek more than anything else in his life.
"Even if that were true," he said hotly, "my father murdered her brother. She could never forgive me."
"For your father's sin?"
"A father's sins are visited on the son."
"Not everyone thinks so."
"I'd rather not talk about this."
"I told you I'd teach you to believe again, young warrior," Glawinn said, his voice carrying steel again, "and I will."
"You weren't able to rescue your sister."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jherek regretted it. Pain flashed in Glawinn's eyes.
"Now is not the time to speak of this," Glawinn said. "I see that." He turned and walked back to his bunk, sitting and taking up his armor again. "Good night, young warrior."
Hesitating, Jherek tried desperately to find something to say, but couldn't. He had no head for it, and he didn't trust his tongue. His heart felt like bursting.
The sound of the scrubbing brush filled the room, drowning out the echo of the waves lapping at the ship's hull.
With a trembling hand, Jherek opened the door and left. There was nothing else to do.
V
6 Flamerule, the Year of the Gauntlet
Seated midway up Black Champion's rigging, Jherek stared hard out at the sunlight-kissed emerald green waters to the west. The Dragonisle maintained a steady distance to the southeast as the ship sailed north over slightly choppy waves, but the Earthspur towered over all. Below Jherek's position, the pirate crew worked steadily under Azla's watchful eye.
Reluctantly, he returned his attention to the wooden plate he held. Over half of the steamed fish and boiled potato chunks yet remained of his meal, long grown cold. He picked at the morsels with his fingers but found no interest. The worry and the headache that settled into the base of his skull and across his shoulders left him with no appetite.
Giving up on the meal, he gripped the edge of the plate and flung the contents into the wind, watching them fall the long distance down