The Sea, The Sea - Iris Murdoch [243]
I felt suddenly very uneasy and decided to lock the door onto the lawn. As I moved to it, with my back to the candle, I could see the scene outside dimly through the window. I stopped with a sharp pang of fright, seeing a dark figure standing near to the door, between the house and the rocks. Then the next second I somehow realized that it was James. We looked at each other through the glass. Instead of opening the door I turned back, picked up the candle, and went out into the hall to find one of the oil lamps. I lit the lamp, blew out the candle, and came back with the lamp into the kitchen. James had come inside in the dark and was sitting at the table. I put the lamp down, turned up the wick, and said, ‘Oh, it’s you,’ as if I had not seen him before or perhaps expected it to be somebody else.
‘You don’t mind my turning up?’
‘No.’
I sat down and started fiddling with the hammer. James rose, took off his jacket which was spotted with rain, shook it, hung it over the back of his chair, folded back his shirt cuffs, and sat down again with his elbows on the table and watched me.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Mending this hammer.’ The problem was that the head fitted onto the handle all right, but loosely, so that it would come off in use.
‘The head’s loose,’ said James.
‘I have noticed that!’
‘You need a wedge.’
‘A wedge?’
‘Put a chip of wood in to keep it tight.’
I found a chip of wood (the house was littered with chips of wood for some reason), balanced it inside the metal hole and drove the shaft in, keeping the chip in place. I swung the hammer. The head held firmly.
‘What do you want it for?’ said James.
‘To crush a black-beetle.’
‘You like black-beetles, at least you did when we were young.’
I got up and found a litre bottle of Spanish red wine, opened it and put it on the table with two glasses. The room was cold so I lit the calor gas stove.
‘What larks we had,’ said James.
‘When?’
‘When we were young.’
I could not recall any larks I had had with James. I poured out the wine and we sat in silence.
James, not looking at me, was making patterns on the table with his finger. Possibly he was embarrassed; and at the idea that he might feel himself for once in the position of a suppliant I felt embarrassed too. However I was in no mood to help him out. The silence continued. This was getting like a Quaker meeting.
James said, ‘Can you hear the sea?’
‘That was Keats’s favourite quotation from Shakespeare.’ I listened. The beating sound had stopped and been succeeded by a kind of regular wailing hiss as the large methodical waves climbed the rocks and drenched them and fell back. The wind must have increased. ‘Yes.’
After another pause he said, ‘Anything to eat?’
‘Vegetable protein stew.’
‘Oh good,