The Sea, The Sea - Iris Murdoch [248]
‘Charles, are you all right?’
‘Yes, why shouldn’t I be? Well, I’ve been having ’flu, but I’m better. Are you all right?’
‘Yes, I’m at the Black Lion. Can I come and see you?’
‘No. Stay there. I’ll come and see you. What’s the time? My watch stopped days ago.’
‘Oh about ten or something.’
‘Are they open?’
‘Who? Oh, the pub. No, but they will be by the time you come.’
‘I’ll be along.’
At the sound of Lizzie’s voice I felt a sudden frantic desire to get out of the house. I ran into the kitchen and looked at myself in the little mirror above the sink. I had not shaved during my illness and had developed a repulsive reddish beard. I shaved, cutting myself, and combed my hair. I found my very crumpled jacket and my wallet. A watery sun was shining but the air was cold. I ran out of the house and over the causeway and turned towards the village. I soon stopped running however as a sort of cloud of weakness enveloped my body and twirled it about. I walked on rather slowly, breathing carefully; and only then did it occur to me to wonder whether James had tipped Lizzie off to come and see me. I was glad to find that I did not care, and I stopped thinking about it. When I turned into the village street the first thing I saw was Gilbert’s yellow Volkswagen parked outside the Black Lion.
‘Charles!’
Lizzie saw me coming and ran to me. I could see Gilbert smirking at the door of the pub. What was my role in this play? I felt myself being relaxed and smiling like a man in a dream who cannot remember his lines but knows he can manage impromptu.
‘Why, Lizzie, hello there, and Gilbert too, how nice!’
‘Charles, you’re looking all thin and pale.’
‘I am gratified to hear it, I’ve been ill.’
‘Ought you to be still in bed?’
‘No, I’m fine. What a nice surprise to see you two here.’
‘Hello, dear Charles,’ said Gilbert coming forward. His handsome self-conscious much-wrinkled face wore a dog-like look of nervous guilty imminent delight. If patted he would jump, bark.
‘Charles looks quite ill.’
‘Not still infectious I hope?’
‘No, no.’
‘We’ve been sitting outside,’ said Lizzie. ‘It’s quite warm in the sun.’
‘How nice.’
‘What’ll I get you, Charles?’ said Gilbert. ‘No, no, you sit down, you’re the invalid, I’ll get it. What about some of that cider, or is it too sweet for you?’
‘Yes, fine, thanks. Well, Lizzie, what a treat to see you and how delightful you’re looking.’
Some women, and as I said before Lizzie was one, vary in appearance amazingly on the scale from really ugly to really beautiful. Lizzie was up the beautiful end today, looking young and bright, like a plump principal boy, her hair blown into little screwy curls by the wind. She was wearing a long blue and green striped shirt over black trousers. Her face expressed something of the same Gilbertian dog-like uncertainty, with in her case an added air of apologetic impish confidence.
We sat down on the wooden bench outside the pub and looked at each other, I vaguely beaming and she intent and shining-eyed. I felt as never before exposed to the citizenry, but there were very few of them about.
I said, ‘It was kind of you to ring me. Are you just passing through? Forgive me if I don’t ask you to stay, I’m not feeling up to visitors at present.’
‘No, no, we’ve got to get back to the motorway, Gilbert’s going to see somebody in Edinburgh. There’s this play coming on at the Festival—’
‘Don’t tell me.’
‘Oh Charles, darling, darling, you do forgive me, don’t you?’
‘Whatever for, Lizzie?’
‘Well, you do, don’t you?’
‘Yes, if it’s necessary, but I’m quite in the dark. What a little mystery-monger you are! Ah here’s dear Gilbert with the drink.’
Lizzie and Gilbert had come simply to be let off. They sat staring at me and smiling, like two children wanting to be given a certificate of forgiveness which they could rush off with, capering and flourishing it in the air. They wanted me to love them and to remove a blot on their happiness. How carefully they must have discussed the matter before coming to me almost formally like this. They were like children to me now and