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By Root 2234 0

hair was loose and tangled, and as the breeze blew it I could see the whiteness of her scalp. She was blushing extremely, but she stood very upright and stared at me, and her terracotta-pink mouth was firm and she looked brave, like a noble girl facing execution. She too looked older, older at any rate than the radiant teasing boyish creature I most remembered. But there was a contained canny shrewdness in her face which gave it form and still made it handsome: the strong brow and the sweeping line to the delicate almost retroussé nose. Her bright light-brown eyes were red-rimmed with recent tears. As I gazed at her I felt triumphant and delighted; but I looked grim.

Lizzie dropped her eyes, reached out one hand to the wall, balanced to shake her broken sandal off, and put her bare foot down into the grass. She said, ‘Did you know that there was a table there among the rocks?’

‘Yes, I put it there.’

‘I thought the sea might have brought it in.’

I was silent, gazing at her.

In a moment, in a whisper, she said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry—I’m sorry, I’m sorry—’

I said, ‘So you discussed me with Gilbert?’

‘I didn’t tell him anything that mattered’—she was looking down at her bare foot, and gently touched a white nettle with her toes.

‘Liar.’

‘I didn’t, I—’

‘You lied to him, then?’

‘Oh don’t—don’t—’

‘Why didn’t you want to see me?’

‘I was afraid—’

‘Afraid of love?’

‘Yes.’

We were both standing very stiff, the wind coming in through the open door tugging at her skirt, and at my errant shirt.

I recalled her chaste dry clinging kisses and I desired them now. I wanted to seize her in my arms and shout with delighted triumphant laughter. But I did not, and when she made a slight movement towards me I forbade it with a quick gesture. ‘You must go now—back to London with Gilbert.’

‘Oh, please—’

‘Please what? Dear Lizzie, I don’t want to be unkind, but I want things to be clear, I always did. I don’t know what we can do or be for each other now, but we can only find out if we both take the risk of being wholehearted. I want all your attention. I can’t share you with someone else, I’m amazed that you ask it! If you want to see me you must get rid of Gilbert, and get rid of him properly. If you want to stay with Gilbert then you won’t see me, and I mean that, we won’t meet again. That seems fair enough. Let me know soon, will you? And now please go, your friend is waiting.’

Lizzie, once more hugging her bag and her breasts, started talking very quickly. ‘I must have time—I can’t just leave Gilbert like that, I can’t, I can’t hurt him so—I want you to understand—people don’t understand and they’ve been beastly to us—but you must understand then you’ll see—’

‘Lizzie, don’t be stupid, you were never stupid before—I don’t want to “understand” your situation, it’s your business. But you must either get out of it and come to me or stay in it and not come to me.’

‘Oh—Charles—darling—darling—’ She suddenly turned, the stiffness left her body and it was that of a dancer. She threw her handbag onto the grass and in a moment she would have been in my arms, only I stepped back and again forbade it. ‘No, I don’t want your hugs and kisses. You must go away and think.’

A few drops of rain fell and long dark stains appeared on her dress. She touched her blazing checks, and then with a continuation of her motion swooped and picked up her bag.

‘Go now, Lizzie child, I don’t want us to have a messy conversation or an argument. Goodbye.’

She gave a little wailing cry, then turned and fled out of the doorway.

I waited a moment or two and when I came out she had almost reached the road. A yellow Volkswagen was now parked on the grass, pointing towards Raven Bay. I saw Gilbert jump out and open the passenger door. Lizzie plunged into the car. Both doors slammed and the car leapt away round the corner. A couple of minutes later it reappeared on the road to the hotel—I watched until it had passed the hotel and vanished where the road turned inland. Then I went back into the tower and picked up Lizzie’s broken sandal. She must have had a sore foot