The Secret Life of Pronouns_ What Our Words Say About Us - James W. Pennebaker [59]
On December 20, at 10:35 P.M., my father would have been driving north on State Highway 27. He was going approximately sixty-five miles per hour in a 1990 Buick LeSabre when a deer jumped in front of his car. He could not stop. His car swerved and lost control which caused it to roll over three times before it would have hit a tree. According to the coroner’s report, he would have died instantly. My mother would have received a phone call at approximately 12:15 A.M., who then reported the incident to me. Although fourteen years old at the time, the death was manageable for me and its effects have been minimal …
The student’s voice on the recording was matter-of-fact and eerily distant, much like his language. Biologically, however, he evidenced signs of tremendous conflict and stress. While talking about the event, his heart rate and blood pressure levels were elevated and his facial muscles were tense. Nevertheless, on a questionnaire he completed immediately after the study, he reported that talking about the traumatic event was not at all upsetting or stressful.
THE LANGUAGE OF SELF-DECEPTION
Rarely had I seen such a clear case of self-deception. The student was fully aware of the facts of the experience but he failed to acknowledge the emotional impact of it while describing it and, I suspect, in the months and years after his father’s death occurred. His case reminded me of other studies involving expressive writing where the occasional participant would write about terrible traumas but not mention negative feelings or emotions. In fact, people who were unable to acknowledge their emotional reactions to disturbing experiences rarely benefited from expressive writing. The people who are honest with themselves when exploring their past are the ones who find the greatest value in writing.
The costs of self-deception are somewhat controversial. Much of modern religion and psychotherapy is based on the premise “To thine own self be true.” There is a bit of irony in that Shakespeare’s famous quotation was spoken by the deceptive Polonius to his deceptive son Laertes, who eventually killed the deceptive Hamlet in a deceptive way. Nevertheless, there has been a long tradition of thinking that self-awareness is associated with greater mental and physical health. It makes sense. People who know themselves should be better able to gauge their strengths and limitations in making decisions.
The alternative view is that harboring positive illusions about ourselves makes for a happier life. If Maya Angelou had truly understood the infinitesimal odds of becoming a world-famous author and poet, would she have done it? If Phil Hellmuth knew that the odds of winning the World Series of Poker were less than one in ten thousand, would he have entered? (Hellmuth has won eleven times.) And if Uncle Jake really appreciated that the odds of winning the lottery were one in several million, would he continue buying lottery tickets? (Yes. And he has never won.) From the beginning of time, humans have been compelled to try things that are unlikely to pay off. They are motivated by a self-deceptive belief in their abilities. Statistically, virtually no one becomes a world-famous poet, champion poker player, or lottery winner. Nevertheless, a small group of people succeed in these domains and their successes often fuel our illusions.
Holding positive illusions about our abilities, relationships, and the world around us can be reassuring and stress reducing. One downside is if the overconfidence