The Secret Lives of Hoarders_ True Stories of Tackling Extreme Clutter - Matt Paxton [32]
So I ended up waiting on Marcie’s doorstep for two days. The first day I mostly stood on the porch and talked with her through a crack in the door. The second day we sat outside and visited for about an hour, and eventually Marcie opened the door so I could have a peek inside. It was an aggressive situation. What I could see were piles of clothes, trash, books, and stacks of shopping bags nearly to the ceiling.
Once we finally got inside, I judged that in terms of volume, Marcie’s may still be in the top five most packed houses I’ve ever seen. I estimated that there were more than fifty tons of stuff, all piled up with little valleys that were used as walkways through each room.
A hoarder who is surprised by a crew of cleaners—be they family members or professionals—isn’t going to react well. Even though Marcie eventually let us in, the two days I sat idle on the doorstep cost Jordan a lot, in more ways than one.
In an already unpredictable situation, if a cleanup crew moves too quickly, the hoarder’s anxiety level rises. Because she was caught unaware, Marcie didn’t really fully grasp what was going to happen. The three days that we spent easing Marcie into the idea of a cleanup were necessary, and even though she relented—and was even positive and upbeat for the most part—a confrontation with her husband brought the whole process to a halt.
Even under the best circumstances and with full support, a hoarder who isn’t really ready may feel overwhelmed by the loss of control and just shut down. The more the hoarder feels threatened, the more likely it is that he or she will blow up and order everyone out of the house, and out of the hoarder’s life. An ambush, in the end, simply confirms a hoarder’s belief that people can’t be trusted.
So, before any successful cleaning starts, the hoarder has to be ready. Family members are anxious to get started long before the hoarder is, but pushing just doesn’t work. The best thing everyone can do is what Roger’s sisters did: wait until the hoarder is ready, even if that takes years.
The waiting is critical, but it can feel unbearable. The anxiety and worry can pull families apart as they descend into bickering, blaming, and name-calling. Many stop speaking to one another. Ironically, all of that energy comes from concern—family members want to help, but without a clear plan, they get frustrated, and that frustration can come out in negative ways.
Fortunately, there is something more productive to do during the waiting period. That’s the perfect time to fully assess the situation, learning more about what causes it and what will be involved in a cleanup. This is a critical step toward building a cleanup effort that will stick. Hoarding cleanup is a huge job, so big that the people involved (including the hoarder) only want to do it once in a lifetime.
▶ The Intervention
The difference between an ambush or secret cleanup and an intervention is subtle but important. In an ambush the hoarder may be taken by surprise—or surprised when he or she returns home to see the deed has been done—but the hoarder does become part of the process. Interventions are usually forced when a state of imminent danger exists, or they are prompted by outside authorities. Whatever action is taken is done even though the hoarder may resist.
Some hoarding situations have strained a family’s patience and resources to the breaking point—and an intervention is the only solution. The hoarder may have medical issues that mean he or she needs live-in or home health care. Or the hoarding progresses so far that local authorities—child, adult, or animal protective services—get involved. Under the worst circumstances, a building is condemned and the hoarder is forcibly removed. When a situation attracts that kind of outside involvement, it almost always involves a Stage 5 hoarder, who