The Secret Lives of Hoarders_ True Stories of Tackling Extreme Clutter - Matt Paxton [63]
Unfortunately, selling items doesn’t mean they’re gone. Thalia, a television shopping network addict, sent most of her collectibles to an auction house. The day of the auction, Thalia was in the front row, tearfully bidding to buy back all of her items. Thalia proves that a successful cleanup doesn’t end with a clean house. A hoarder has to stay clean, which means working day after day on new life skills, and replacing the hoarding behavior with something fulfilling.
7
STAYING CLEAN
Li’s large, hundred-year-old farmhouse and barn in rural Connecticut were filled with top-quality clothing and appliances. There was no trash.
With her children grown and living away when her husband died, Li slipped completely out of control as she took to shopping to ease her loneliness. When her daughter, Sunny, called me, she said that the house had been cluttered when they were growing up, but now it was so bad that Li was pretty well confined to living in the kitchen and its adjoining bathroom.
Li was unusual in that she didn’t look like a stereotypical hoarder. Now in her early eighties, she appeared to be thirty years younger. She was always well turned out in designer clothes, nicely made up, and well groomed. That she still cared about her looks seemed to be a sign that she might care enough to want a tidy house.
Li’s children had tried to get her to clean up for years, but she fought it and just kept shopping. Finally, Sunny put together a carefully researched “business plan” outlining the advantages of de-cluttering the house, and begged her mother to try a single day of cleaning. If she didn’t like that, Sunny assured her she would send the crew away.
Li was an old-school parent, very authoritarian and always wanting to be in charge, so nobody knew what to expect when our crew of ten came into the house to handle her possessions.
Fortunately, Li was ready to get it done. Because her family had let her make the decision and presented her with a plan that made sense to her, Li stayed engaged in the process, realizing the benefits to having a clean house. After meeting the crew briefly, she trusted her children enough to go and stay at one of their houses while the work was being done.
On that first day, at the bottom of a six-foot pile of kitchen appliances and boxes of food, the crew found $40,000 worth of savings bonds. Sunny called to tell Li the exciting news, and although she was still anxious, that convinced her to continue with the cleanup. Li had thought the bonds were expired, and we were happy to explain the difference between expiration and maturity.
We spent five days cleaning and ended up loading two eighteen-wheeler trucks full of items to donate to the nearby shelter.
After the cleanup, the house looked pretty good. The downstairs carpet needed to be replaced and the walls needed painting. But the hundred-year-old structure was sturdy enough that it had withstood a decade of hoarding without any serious damage.
Li was delighted with her new, empty house. She had actually forgotten how huge the house was. Until the cleanup, her hoarding had become the only topic of discussion between Li and her daughters, and none of them wanted that to continue. After the cleanup, the time Li spent with her family was so much happier—and motivated her to stay clean.
Therapy is a critical part of staying clean for advanced hoarders, and fortunately Li was open to working with a therapist, who helped her understand the issues driving her hoarding urge and how to deal with those in a more positive way. Li started spending time with her daughters and grandchildren instead of buying them things.
THE ELEMENTS OF SUCCESS
Cleaning is easy; nearly anyone can empty a hoarded house. The real challenge is helping a hoarder make the lifestyle changes needed to stay clean. The longer a hoarder has been collecting, the harder those changes