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By Root 481 0

familiar excitement of finding a bargain or the overwhelming urge to buy a special gift for a loved one is strong. I recommend that such a hoarder take a buddy the first few times the hoarder shops. The friend should be prepared to ask the hoarder the tough questions: “Do you need this or just want it?” “Will it make your life better?” “Does the person for whom you are buying this really need it or just want it?” “Where will it go?” “What will you get rid of to make room for this?” This is an opportunity to help hoarders change behavior by reminding them of their rules and boundaries and concentrating on the long-term goals. (Hopefully, they have to pay cash rather than using credit cards—an even better incentive.)

IGNORING THE RULES

Sometimes hoarders just flat-out ignore their follow-up rules, either feeling like they are silly or claiming that they can stay clean without them. This is really a form of denial, and if a hoarder gets stuck here, there isn’t much anyone can do. The only way a hoarder will stay clean is if the hoarder’s desire to achieve an overall goal is stronger than the urge to hang on to things. It sometimes works to keep reminding the hoarder of this goal, and how the rules are the only way to reach it. I will sometimes push a little bit, saying something like “I’m not judging you about this stack of mail, but let’s make sure we take care of it—right now.”

If a hoarder continually refuses help, then eventually there’s nothing more to do. Recovering from hoarding is a lifelong struggle, and unfortunately many people just don’t make it. The reality is that not all hoarders can be saved.

At that point it is still possible to stay involved in a hoarder’s life, but only if the family can stop focusing on the hoarding. The only things to do then are simply to get the hoarder out of the house frequently and work on building a relationship outside of hoarding, and continue to be positive and encouraging.

BACKSLIDING

Almost every hoarder I have worked with has had at least a few lapses back into old behaviors. I try to shut these down immediately. That means figuring out what the cause is and talking about that with the hoarder. The thing to remember is that recovery is a journey, one that the hoarder will be on for the rest of his or her life. Some backsliding is inevitable, but it doesn’t mean the cleanup is a failure. It just means you have to be aware of what caused it, jump on making a change, and stay supportive.

▶ Hoarder Hangover

Many of our hoarders go through our entire mental and physical process and do everything we ask. They work hard, they let go of beloved items, they put their families first, and the home gets cleaned. They are happy that the home is cleaned, but that can turn into an elation that’s just as excessive as the depression was before.

The born-again mentality is understandable because the hoarder has been paralyzed by this disease, and the cleanup and self-awareness have helped the hoarder be happy for the first time in years. Three to four days after our cleanup crew leaves, however, the reality sets in for the hoarder that all of his or her stuff is actually gone. That’s when the “hoarder hangover” kicks in.

The hoarder has lost the security that he or she felt from the stuff. Often the hoarder doesn’t know where anything is and freaks out. The hoarder starts to doubt the trust that was put in the cleanup crew people, and begins thinking that possessions have been stolen. The hoarder feels foolish for believing that his or her life could be gotten back together.

This is also the point at which the hoarder comes to a painful realization: The rest of his or her life troubles can no longer be blamed on the hoarding. During the hoarding phase, the hoarder has been telling himself or herself that everything else—debt, relationships, health, job—will be dealt with once the house is clean. Now the house is clean, and those problems all come crashing down on the hoarder. The hoarder hangover starts with the hoarder wanting to know where one specific item is, but within