The Secret Lives of Hoarders_ True Stories of Tackling Extreme Clutter - Matt Paxton [78]
In the meantime, when I talk to Katrina I give her lots of praise for keeping the rest of her house clean, and remind her of what huge improvements she has already made in her life. She’s moving forward in the journey to stay clean.
MARCIE
Cleaning Marcie’s house started off pretty well. The living room was filled up to the ceiling with piles of stuff Marcie had bought—much of which had never been taken out of its original packaging. The room was so full that it took my crew about two days just to get through that one room. Once Marcie let us into her house and accepted that we were there to help her, she was right with us on that first day, making decisions on what stayed, what was to be donated, and what was trash. She was making good progress.
On the second day Marcie and I had the talk about her abusive husband. She admitted that she shopped to comfort herself, and I’m guessing that he gave her money because he felt guilty.
When the realization about why she hoarded hit her, Marcie ran through her pathways to the kitchen where her husband was. I could hear her shouting, “I do this because you hit me!” He was built like a linebacker, over six and a half feet tall with solid shoulders. Although he was eighty, he wasn’t frail or stooped. When he came out of the back of the house and took a swing at me, I knew I didn’t want to get into a fistfight with him. We left, planning to come back the next day after the drama had calmed down.
This was clearly a case where a psychologist could have helped, but unfortunately Marcie didn’t have that support, which as a late-stage hoarder she could really have used. As the crew and I were having breakfast in the hotel restaurant, I was served with a restraining order, and we were never allowed back. It’s one of the few hoarder houses that I started but didn’t finish. We have stayed in touch with Marcie’s children, but she still lives with her husband in that home of clutter and abuse, and she will probably stay there for the rest of her life unless she makes the decision to leave.
Abuse, like hoarding, is something that will continue until the person at risk decides to make a change. Unfortunately, even if a hoarder is in a dangerous situation, like Marcie, not much can be done if she chooses to stay there. In her case, the hoarding is really the least of her worries. At the moment, Marcie just has too many other critical issues going on to deal with her hoarding.
LUCY
Lucy’s relationship with her family was strained and complicated. Ever since her daughter spearheaded a secret cleanup a few years before I was called in, Lucy had been hanging on to anger and resentment over the disrespectful way she felt treated. But when her house filled up again and got to the point where Lucy couldn’t stay there, her daughter reached out and invited Lucy to stay with her.
We classified Lucy as a mid-stage hoarder who still had many issues to work through. Even during and after her cleanup, Lucy continued to live with her daughter, and as her collection of craft supplies dwindled at her own house, Lucy tried to carry some yarn and fabric to her daughter’s house to keep. The daughter drew a line and told Lucy that wasn’t acceptable.
Lucy’s daughter also encouraged her to move back into her own house once it was in livable condition. While Lucy might have seen this suggestion as a rejection, her children softened the blow by spending time with Lucy doing fun things outside the house.
Lucy moved back into her own house and began to see a therapist. It seemed like she had a lot going for her, with supportive children and professional counseling, but only a month after hear cleanup, Lucy went back to hoarding.
In the first few weeks after her cleanup, my