The Shadow Companion - Laura Anne Gilman [1]
“That is why I want Arthur to have it. Arthur desires it because he, too, believes.” Merlin’s voice held a resigned fondness, as though he had argued the point with his king many times before. “Morgain wants it because if Arthur had it, he would have an authority she lacks and cannot make up in any other way.”
Ailis wasn’t sure she understood, but Merlin went on before she could ask him more questions. “But the real danger, Ailis, the real danger lies not with the Grail, or in which leader has it. The danger lies within the Quest itself….”
He stopped then and looked at her. Clearly, he was waiting for her to work it out for herself.
Thinking out loud, she did so. “Whoever gains the Grail, whoever finds it and returns it to Arthur…that knight will have much glory.” But she knew that wasn’t it, not alone. Glory would not concern Merlin. “Glory…and influence. He would be seen as pure enough to have won the Grail, pure enough to be without sin…and Arthur, so enchanted by the legend of this Grail, would be swayed by the word of a knight such as that. Perhaps too much.”
The enchanter’s approving nod was enough to make Ailis flush with satisfaction, offsetting the unease she felt about speaking so bluntly—and unflatteringly—about her king.
“So you understand?” he said. “The Quest must continue. For it to fail would play into Morgain’s hands. The Grail must be found, or at least kept from Morgain’s grasp. It must be done in Arthur’s name, without hope of personal gain. Only then can Arthur’s throne be secure—and Camelot be safe, forevermore. The Quest must succeed.”
Ailis sighed, unable to argue with the passion in Merlin’s voice, and returned to the original point of their conversation. “So I’m to use no magic at all? Not even to help us accomplish our goal?”
“You need to keep practicing, of course. And yes, as needed…but, chi—Ailis, do nothing that will draw attention to yourself or distract the knights from their Quest. Troublesome or not, they are the ones who must find it, not Morgain’s forces.”
“Merlin, I’m the only female on the entire Quest. You are aware of that, aren’t you? Half the knights keep trying to help me across mud puddles, while the others treat me as though I were something—” She stopped herself mid-speech, and ended instead with “something that has no business being anywhere near this oh-so-holy and noble pursuit of theirs—as if I haven’t already proven myself, and far more often than many of them!”
In fact, no matter what Merlin said, Ailis wasn’t confident that the knights on this Quest had any chance of success. The Grail was a holy relic no matter which god you chose to follow, and only one of pure spirit and intent should find it. Ailis believed that with all her heart. Unfortunately, since the Quest had begun, what she had seen from the flower of knighthood was closer to pigs shoving over bits in the trough than men of valor and glory. Maybe if Lancelot were here, or Gawain…But they had instead gone with Arthur, dealing with the uprising of a northern border lord who challenged Arthur’s right to the throne. Then they had each gone off on their own to seek the Grail, rather than trying to catch up with the other knights. She suspected they would have more luck individually than with all the knights of Camelot put together, anyway. And Merlin could stop worrying, because neither Gawain nor Lancelot would ever do anything to harm Arthur, intentionally or not.
Ailis pulled at her braid and stared at the enchanter. With his sharp black eyes, he was much better suited for staring than Ailis could ever manage—and she blinked first.
Normally, Ailis trusted Merlin implicitly. He was much older and wiser, if occasionally a little scattered and distracted by his magical nature. But when it came to being female, she sometimes wished she were back with Morgain. The sorceress might lead the opposing side against Arthur, Ailis’s sworn and chosen king, but she was another female, and at least she understood.
Ailis turned and strode away from the enchanter, her feet kicking up dust from the ground underfoot.