The Shadow Wife - Diane Chamberlain [94]
“I don’t care about that, Gabe,” she said fervently, worried that she was lying to herself as well as to him. “I’d give all that up for you in a heartbeat.”
“I don’t know that I should let you,” he said, sitting up and leaning back against the wall.
Lisbeth felt something precious slipping from her grasp. “Are you saying you want to break up with me?” She started to cry, silently, not wanting him to know.
“No,” he said. “I don’t want to break up. But I’m not sure about our future together, Liz.”
Before they’d made love, he’d been full of tender words for her. Now he sounded as though he was pulling away, ready to end what they’d nurtured together for the past six months. And suddenly, she thought she knew the reason why.
“Was I not as good as your wife?” she asked, unable to hide the tears in her voice. “In bed, I mean. Not as good as the other women you’ve had?”
“What?” He looked truly surprised. “Oh, Lizzie. Oh, no, baby.” He moved toward her, pulling her up by her shoulders until she was in his arms. “You were perfect,” he said. “I didn’t mean that at all. I’m just thinking ahead, that’s all. Thinking about…how hard it could be to be married. How hard it would be on our children. I’m sorry, baby.” He lowered his head to the hollow between her throat and shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She felt his tears on her shoulder then, and he pulled her even closer to him, so close she could barely breathe, and that was where she wanted to be. Always.
Although Carlynn was thrilled to be engaged to Alan, she knew there was trouble ahead and that it would take the form of Delora Kling. As soon as Carlynn told her mother about the engagement, Delora started planning.
“We’ll have the wedding on the terrace,” Delora said. “The weather in September should be ideal for it to be outdoors. I heard a harpist the other day who would be perfect. Wouldn’t that be lovely, dear? It’s so rare to hear a harpist at a wedding. Of course, if we have it here, that will limit the number of guests we can have. Would you prefer it to be in one of the cathedrals instead?” Carlynn did want to be married at Cypress Point, but she also wanted Lisbeth to be her maid of honor, along with Penny Everett as her bridesmaid. And Lisbeth was attached at the hip to Gabriel, as she should be. Carlynn had no problem with that—she adored Gabriel—but Delora was sure to have a fit if her “second daughter” showed up with a Negro by her side.
She and Lisbeth were closer than ever as they talked over wedding plans and shopped for the wedding gown and bridesmaids’ dresses. Lisbeth looked fabulous these days. She was only two sizes larger than Carlynn, and Carlynn persuaded her to try on wedding gowns, as well as the bridesmaid’s dress. She told Lisbeth that it would help her see how a dress would look on her to see it on her twin. But really, she’d just wanted Lisbeth to enjoy the thrill of seeing herself in a wedding dress. Only later did she think it might have been a little mean of her to make Lisbeth see herself as a bride without a wedding of her own in sight.
Lisbeth fell in love with one of the dresses. She couldn’t stop fingering the lace and looking behind her at the long train, and she spent a long time admiring herself in the mirror before she took it off. She tried to persuade Carlynn to try it on, as well, but, although Carlynn also loved the dress, she had never seen Lisbeth so enamored with an article of clothing.
“No,” she said, selecting her second choice for herself. “That one will be yours someday.”
They left the bridal shop and began