The Sparrow - Mary Doria Russell [153]
They listened for a while to the mournful screams of the gulls wheeling overhead. The water was too far away to hear the waves, but watching the rhythmic ebb and flow was nearly as soothing and Emilio’s headache began to ebb as well. "How did you come to this life, Ed?" he asked.
"Well, I was fairly religious as a child. Then I was an atheist for a while. I think they call that period of spiritual development ’adolescence,’ " Edward said dryly. "Then about two years after Laura was killed, a friend talked me into going to a Jesuit retreat. And when we got to the part about following the standard of Christ, I thought, well, why not? I’ll have a go. I was at loose ends, you see. Wasn’t exactly a Pauline conversion. No voices. And you, sir?"
"No voices," Sandoz said, his voice normal again and a little hard. "I never heard voices and the migraines do not feel like metal bands around my head. I’m not psychotic, Ed."
"I don’t believe anyone has suggested that you were, sir," Brother Edward said quietly. "I meant, how did you come to the priesthood?"
It was some time before Sandoz answered, flat-voiced and unexpansive, "Seemed like a good idea at the time."
Brother Edward thought that might be the end of the conversation, but after a few minutes Sandoz said, "You’ve been on both sides. Which is the better life?"
"I’d never give up the years I had with Laura, but this is the right place for me now." Edward hesitated, then thought it might be as good a time as any to broach the subject. "Tell me about Miss Mendes. I’ve seen pictures. She was beautiful."
"Beautiful and bright and very brave," Sandoz said, the sound leached from his voice. He cleared his throat and ran an arm over his eyes.
"A man would have to be a fool not to love someone like that," Edward Behr said gently. Some priests were so hard on themselves.
"Yes, a fool," Sandoz agreed and added, "but I didn’t think so then." It was a puzzling thing to say and Sandoz followed it with something just as unexpected. "Have you ever wondered about the story of Cain, Ed? He made his sacrifice in good faith. Why did God refuse it?"
Sandoz stood and, without looking back, made his way down the long stairway to the sea. He was small and foreshortened, halfway across the beach to the huge stone outcropping he often retreated to, before Edward Behr realized what he had just been told.
26
VILLAGE OF KASHAN AND GREAT SOUTHERN FOREST:
EIGHT WEEKS AFTER CONTACT
ANNE AWOKE THAT night without knowing what had disturbed her. Her first thought, accompanied by a spurt of adrenaline that snapped her eyes open in the dark, was that D.W. was sick again or that someone else had fallen prey to Runa’s Revenge. She listened, alert for any telltale sound, but heard only George snoring softly in heavy, dreamless sleep. Knowing that she wouldn’t relax until she’d checked on everyone, Anne sighed and thought, I have turned into a semi-mom with a very odd bunch of children. So she pulled on one of Jimmy’s giant T-shirts and worked her way out of the tent.
She went first to D.W. and, reassured, moved on to Jimmy’s sleeping shape in another corner. She looked, with a pang, at the empty beds of Marc and Sofia and wished she were a praying person so their absence would not fill her with such helpless anxiety. Then she saw a third bed empty but before her heart could lurch, she began to hear the faint clicking of a keyboard. Picking her way along a stone path only a goat could appreciate, she ducked into Aycha’s place next door and saw her favorite semi-son kneeling like a scholarly geisha at a low table, typing rapidly.
"Emilio!" she cried softly. "What the hell are you—"
He shook his head without looking up and continued to type. She sank onto a cushion next to him and listened to the night noises. It smelled like rain to her but the stones were still dry. Well, she thought, noticing the radio monitor propped next to Emilio, I’m not the only one sweating it out.
Marc and Sofia had reported that they were going to try a landing.