The Sparrow - Mary Doria Russell [71]
"One of the greats," John agreed. "The Odyssey. Hamlet. Young Frankenstein. Some things never die."
Emilio laughed again, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and catching his breath. "I thought you were going to tell me things would look better in the morning or something. I was preparing to murder you."
John checked at that but decided it was only a figure of speech. "Heavens! Then I suppose my presence constituted the near occasion of sin, my son," he said prissily, mimicking Johannes Voelker. "May I join you on your rock, sir?"
"Be my guest." Emilio moved over to make room, shaking off the lingering reaction to seeing Felipe again.
Preceded by his prowlike nose, John clambered up, all elbows and knees and big feet, envying Emilio’s compact neatness, the athletic grace evident even now. John made himself fairly comfortable on the unyielding surface of the rock, and the two men admired the sunset for a while. They’d be climbing the stairs in darkness but they were both familiar with every step.
"The way I see it," John said, breaking the silence as the light deepened to blue, "you’ve got three choices. One: you can leave, like you said you wanted to, in the beginning. Leave the Society, leave the priesthood."
"And go where? And do what?" Sandoz demanded, his face in profile as hard as the bald stone outcropping they sat on. He had not spoken of leaving since the day the reporter burst into his room, when the reality of life on the outside had shouted in his face. "I’m trapped. And you know it."
"You could be a rich man. The Society was offered an immense amount of money just for permission to interview you." Emilio turned to him and, in the dusk, John could almost taste the bile rising in the other man’s throat. He waited, to give Sandoz a chance to say something, but Emilio turned back to the sunless sea. "Two: you can see the inquiry through. Explain what happened. Help us decide what to do next. We’ll stand by you, Emilio."
Elbows on his drawn-up knees, Emilio raised his hands to his head and rested the long, bony fingers there, pale and skeletal against his hair. "If I start talking, you won’t like what you hear."
He thinks the truth is too ugly for us, John had thought, coming down the stairs after a hurried conference with Brother Edward and Father Reyes. Ed thought perhaps that Sandoz didn’t realize how much of his story had been made public. "Emilio, we know about the child," John said quietly. "And we know about the brothel."
"No one knows," Sandoz said, his voice muffled.
"Everybody knows, Emilio. Not just Ed Behr and the people at the hospital. The Contact Consortium released the whole story—"
Sandoz stood suddenly and climbed off the rock. He took off down the darkened beach, heading south, arms crossed over his chest to keep the hands tucked under his armpits. John jumped down after him and followed at a run. Overtaking Sandoz, he grabbed the smaller man’s shoulder and twisted him around, shouting at him, "How long do you think you can hold all this in? How long do you plan to carry it all yourself? "
"As long as I can, John," Sandoz said grimly, wrenching his shoulder out of Candotti’s grip and backing away from him. "As long as I can."
"And then what?" John yelled as Emilio turned away from him. Sandoz spun to face him.
"And then," he said with quiet menace, "I’ll take the third option. Is that what you want to hear, John?" He stood there, trembling slightly, flat-eyed, skin drawn taut over the bones of his face.
John, his anger draining away as quickly as it had risen in him, opened his mouth to say something, but Sandoz spoke again.
"I’d have done it months ago but I’m afraid I still have enough pride to deny God the punchline for whatever sick joke I’m playing out now," he said lightly, but his eyes were awful. "That’s what’s keeping me alive, John. A little bit of pride is all I’ve got left."
Pride, yes. But also fear: For in that sleep of death what dreams may come.
15
SOLAR