The Sun Also Rises - Ernest Hemingway [46]
"Where the hell have you been?" I asked.
"I brought them up here," Cohn said.
"What rot," Brett said. "We'd have gotten here earlier if you hadn't come."
"You'd never have gotten here."
"What rot! You chaps are brown. Look at Bill."
"Did you get good fishing?" Mike asked. "We wanted to join you."
"It wasn't bad. We missed you."
"I wanted to come," Cohn said, "but I thought I ought to bring them."
"You bring us. What rot."
"Was it really good?" Mike asked. "Did you take many?"
"Some days we took a dozen apiece. There was an Englishman up there."
"Named Harris," Bill said. "Ever know him, Mike? He was in the war, too."
"Fortunate fellow," Mike said. "What times we had. How I wish those dear days were back."
"Don't be an ass."
"Were you in the war, Mike?" Cohn asked.
"Was I not."
"He was a very distinguished soldier," Brett said. "Tell them about the time your horse bolted down Piccadilly."
"I'll not. I've told that four times."
"You never told me," Robert Cohn said.
"I'll not tell that story. It reflects discredit on me."
"Tell them about your medals."
"I'll not. That story reflects great discredit on me."
"What story's that?"
"Brett will tell you. She tells all the stories that reflect discredit on me."
"Go on. Tell it, Brett."
"Should I?"
"I'll tell it myself."
"What medals have you got, Mike?"
"I haven't got any medals."
"You must have some."
"I suppose I've the usual medals. But I never sent in for them. One time there was this whopping big dinner and the Prince of Wales was to be there, and the cards said medals will be worn. So naturally I had no medals, and I stopped at my tailor's and he was impressed by the invitation, and I thought that's a good piece of business, and I said to him: 'You've got to fix me up with some medals.' He said: 'What medals, sir?' And I said: 'Oh, any medals. Just give me a few medals.' So he said: 'What medals have you, sir?' And I said: 'How should I know?' Did he think I spent all my time reading the bloody gazette? 'Just give me a good lot. Pick them out yourself.' So he got me some medals, you know, miniature medals, and handed me the box, and I put it in my pocket and forgot it. Well, I went to the dinner, and it was the night they'd shot Henry Wilson, so the Prince didn't come and the King didn't come, and no one wore any medals, and all these coves were busy taking off their medals, and I had mine in my pocket."
He stopped for us to laugh.
"Is that all?"
"That's all. Perhaps I didn't tell it right."
"You didn't," said Brett. "But no matter."
We were all laughing.
"Ah, yes," said Mike. "I know now. It was a damn dull dinner, and I couldn't stick it, so I left. Later on in the evening I found the box in my pocket. What's this? I said. Medals? Bloody military medals? So I cut them all off their backing—you know, they put them on a strip—and gave them all around. Gave one to each girl. Form of souvenir. They thought I was hell's own shakes of a soldier. Give away medals in a night club. Dashing fellow."
"Tell the rest," Brett said.
"Don't you think that was funny?" Mike asked. We were all laughing. "It was. I swear it was. Any rate, my tailor wrote me and wanted the medals back. Sent a man around. Kept on writing for months. Seems some chap had left them to be cleaned. Frightfully military cove. Set hell's own store by them." Mike paused. "Rotten luck for the tailor," he said.
"You don't mean it," Bill said. "I should think it would have been grand for the tailor."
"Frightfully good tailor. Never believe it to see me now," Mike said. "I used to pay him a hundred pounds a year just to keep him quiet. So he wouldn't send me any bills. Frightful blow to him when I went bankrupt. It was right after the medals. Gave his letters rather a bitter tone."
"How did you go bankrupt?" Bill asked.
"Two ways," Mike said. "Gradually and then suddenly."
"What brought it on?"
"Friends," said Mike. "I had a lot of friends. False friends. Then I had creditors, too. Probably had more creditors than anybody in England."
"Tell them about in the court,"