The Three Christs of Ypsilanti - Milton Rokeach [113]
It is a reasonable guess that he is trying deliberately to alienate her and arouse her hostility so that she will reject him, thereby justifying his need to reject her. This is the classical projection mechanism. He has sexual impulses toward her; he denies that they arise from within himself and instead sees them as coming from her; he is angry with her for having put these ideas into his head.
October 25. Leon approaches an aide to complain of “improper advances” by a patient recently transferred to Ward D-16. A nurse confirms that a very aggressive homosexual patient did indeed approach Leon. Leon says: “I don’t care for his musty body. I mean, he is trying to seduce me and I don’t like it.” He adds that if the aides do not do something to prevent future recurrences he will drop the Ten Commandments on the patient tonight and the patient will be carried out dead in the morning.
Afterward, at the post-meeting conference with Miss Anderson, he discusses at some length the morality of various kinds of sexual behavior. The way he terminates this discussion suggests that Miss Anderson is becoming, increasingly, a real, external, positive reference person for him. “I approached you,” he concludes, “because I do respect the authority in you, but the answers you gave me—I haven’t thoroughly made up my mind what I want to tell myself—the answers you gave me are not sufficient.”
October 27. Several significant changes have appeared in Leon’s delusional system. First of all, he now tells us that he has a father—and further, he tells us that his father’s name is Rex Rexarum et Domino Dominorum—the name Leon had previously given himself. Moreover, he introduces a new concept— Grand God Morphy—G. G. M. for short—and announces that Rex and Ruth are both G. G. M.’s and that they are also one and the same person—Rex being the male and Ruth the female side.
October 31. At a post-meeting conference Leon expresses more openly and dramatically his positive feelings toward Miss Anderson. “All I know, ma’am, is that the beaming smile of your face, ma’am, was something I hadn’t experienced before in my life, and later on I realized that arousing a person unintentionally isn’t correct. I was a victim of circumstances. I didn’t have that in mind. I didn’t want to commit adultery with another body. My uncle tells me it isn’t adultery but as far as I’m concerned it is.” As he talks, Leon voice betrays growing agitation. “Last week I had, as I was sitting here and you were standing there—and the look on your face—and I wanted to do, unintentionally didn’t do,” loudly, “I’ll do right now.”
Leon drops suddenly to his knees before Miss Anderson. “I do thank God Almighty for all that he’s done for me. How’s that, ma’am?”
“That’s fine,” she says gently. Leon rises. “I’m afraid to ask G. M.’s for favors because of the fact that I feel that they want to do something in return for something, whereas in my case I believe in giving in a spirit of charity with no attachments. Now on those grounds, if I could ask you, ma’am, to take me to a place where there is an old-fashioned pipe organ. The vibrations would assist me in shaking off imposition.”
Miss Anderson replies that offhand she does not know where there is an old-fashioned organ. Leon seems disappointed, almost angry, and says that he will have to work at it himself.
November 4. At a post-meeting session, Miss Anderson leaves momentarily to let Clyde and Joseph outdoors. I ask Leon if he has anything to discuss, and he replies that if I don’t mind he’ll wait until Miss Anderson comes back. When she returns, he says: “There is just one unit of imposition left. I have to keep my guard up so it won’t pile up.” Whereupon he tells her he doesn’t need to find the pipe organ he had asked her about, after all.
He then launches into a tirade against G. M. Ruth—he has demoted her from G. G. M. Ruth—relating a conversation with her in which he spoke about