The Three Christs of Ypsilanti - Milton Rokeach [116]
By the middle of December the post-meeting sessions had become firmly established, but Leon found he had other problems. He would go to desperate lengths to prolong his time with Miss Anderson. On one occasion, when she said she would have to leave, he entreated: “Oh, could you spare a few more minutes? This wasn’t interesting to you, I—”
“That isn’t it,” she said. “I have to leave because I have another appointment.”
“I do thank you for your trouble. I would like to finish that conversation.”
“Well, I should have more time tomorrow.”
Again, another time when she said she would have to leave, he stalled by saying: “I’m trying to think of something else.” After a long pause: “That’s all I can think of. Thank you for your time.”
And finally, there were the times when he had to ward off interruptions. Once he was telling her: “I’m still a big pile of truthful-idealed dung.” He paused lengthily. “I hope I’m not boring you. I believe I am, but would you care to listen, please.” At this point Joseph came into the room. “Sir,” Leon said testily, “we’re not through yet, please, sir!”
The positive relationship he had developed with Miss Anderson manifested itself in many ways, and each time we observed it we were struck by the contrast with Leon’s earlier inability to relate himself positively to other human beings. He often moved his chair to face hers or he sat in a chair next to her, looking her directly in the face, something he had rarely been able to do. Once he noticed a pin she was wearing and spontaneously commented on the design, wondering if it was African. Another time he reported a dream in which he saw the face and eyes of Miss Anderson “in relationship to the cosmos.” He more frequently reported that he felt good. “Today I felt relief that I haven’t felt for years—imposition taken off.”
He was even able to take some ever-so-small steps toward permitting himself to receive, and to give, and to share experiences. Miss Anderson reports:
R. I. asked me for a pencil and then asked to keep it. We are exchanging gifts! Somehow I wish they weren’t all phallic symbols.
The ward was out of cigarette papers. Leon said to me, ‘G. M. Anderson, will you get me some cigarette papers? They don’t have any on this ward.’ I got him some from the next ward. He seemed very grateful and we were closer today than we have ever been.
He rolled me a cigarette since I was out of my own.
He is able to look at me today. He walked out abruptly as the group meeting ended and then came back to talk. As I was out of matches he went to the office and got some and gave them to me.
After our meeting is over he regularly, these days, goes out of the building with me (but no farther). This is another shared experience for us.
Once, when there was a party on the ward, an aide came in and offered them ice cream and cake. “No, thank you, sir,” Leon said, “I don’t care for any.” Then, addressing Miss Anderson: “Would you care for some?” She also declined. Leon went on to say that his shoe had broken last night and that it flapped when he walked; squelches came out and hundreds of people received squelches from his shoe. Miss Anderson told him he needed a new pair of shoes. Leon replied: “No, please, these are comfortable.” At this they laughed together.
During this time, too, Leon’s general behavior in the ward improved markedly. He socialized more with the other patients. He partook of evening snacks, something he normally did not do. He sat closer to the other patients when watching television. The aides noted especially that he was singing while taking his showers.
But it would be a mistake to think that Leon was always friendly toward Miss Anderson. Far from it. While his behavior to her was in marked contrast to his earlier withdrawal from all social contact, his reactions to her were typically ambivalent and often hostile. The negativism was clearly